<h3>Conversations About Grief</h3><p>Third Age is a national organisation that empowers older people to live full, active, and valued lives in their communities. Through programmes like SeniorLine, Third Age offers support, connection, and a listening ear to older people navigating life’s challenges—including grief. This article explores how we can better support those who are bereaved, especially older people, by understanding what helps and what doesn’t.</p><p>Death is both everyday and universal, and most of us, as we go through life, have some experience of loss. It is surprising, therefore, that some people who have suffered bereavement speak about the poor response they can encounter from friends, neighbours, and people in general. Why is this? Is there a good way to support those we care about after a death?</p><h3>Not Knowing What to Say</h3><p>Some people don’t know how to approach a bereaved person after a death. It can feel as if the survivor has somehow moved to an unreachable, distant place.</p><p>“I have seen people cross the road to avoid me. I know it’s because they don’t know what to say. But it is hurtful, as if I have changed,” says Marie, who was widowed in 2022.</p><p>There are many reasons why grief can cause uncomfortable feelings in others and lead them to avoid awkward encounters. It may be that such meetings trigger their own unresolved grief. People may believe they couldn’t handle another’s tears or distress, or they may feel they have to fix or solve the situation somehow—make it better.</p><h3>Keeping People Company</h3><p>At a fundamental level, there is often nothing to do about death. It has happened. It just is. In these situations, we can help by offering emotional support: listening, being present, and giving grief and loss the space they deserve.</p><p>The Third Age programme, SeniorLine, Ireland’s telephone service for older people, hears from callers who may still be grieving months or years after the death of someone close. The caller often needs to talk about the circumstances surrounding the death, the person who died, and life since.</p><p>SeniorLine volunteers know the value of listening and giving the caller time to talk.</p><p>“At my age, I have experienced death and I know how people need to talk. I offer empathy rather than sympathy as I try to put myself in their shoes. I ask about the person that died and encourage the caller to talk about him or her if that is what they want. People really appreciate that, as it does not seem always acceptable to continue talking about the person as time goes on. But there is no one right way to grieve, and everyone is different,” says Patsy Buckley, Dublin 16, a SeniorLine volunteer.</p><p>As a confidential support service, SeniorLine does not assume to know how a bereaved caller feels. Callers may be helpless, fearful, angry, guilty, sad, lonely, and much more. Our response to loss depends on our relationship with the person who has died, the manner of the death, our support system, personal capacity, and any previous losses.</p><h3>Less Is More</h3><p>Sometimes, the simplest words are best.</p><p>“I’m very sorry to hear your mother has died,” accompanied by a handshake or hug, lets the person know you are able to share their grief in that moment and stand with them quietly.</p><p>“Sorry for your trouble” is a traditional Irish expression to show sympathy and acknowledge someone’s loss. It can express a reaching out without needing a lengthy emotional exchange, allowing sympathy to be offered in a quiet but authentic way.</p><p>It is important to avoid clichés. Do not try to minimise their loss, offer false reassurance, or assume you know how they feel. Death is both completely familiar and completely mysterious. Responding to the mystery of death may affect us all in a profound way, and operating from that place may help us offer comfort and consolation in a sincere and effective way.</p><h3>About Third Age and SeniorLine</h3><p>Third Age is a network of programmes and projects for older people that supports their autonomy and celebrates their contribution in local communities.</p><p>SeniorLine is open daily from 10am to 10pm.<br /><strong>Freefone: </strong>1800 80 45 91<br /><a href="www.thirdageireland.ie">www.thirdageireland.ie</a></p><p> </p>

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Listening Matters: Helping Older People Navigate Loss

<p>The loneliness we experience after the death of someone we love can be deeper and more enduring than other forms of loneliness. How can we give these feelings the space they need?</p><h3>Losing the Familiar</h3><p>To be human is to be lonely, and most of us will experience loneliness at various times in our lives. Research shows that people often feel lonely during life transitions—retirement, moving house, marriage, becoming a parent. These are usually seen as joyful milestones, yet they can bring a sense of disconnection. We may feel alone in losing the familiar and uncertain in facing new challenges. It can feel like entering a strange new country, where we must learn unfamiliar signposts.</p><p>In bereavement, we may experience a range of emotions toward the person who has died—including anger that they are no longer here. These mixed feelings can lead to confusion and guilt, adding to our sense of isolation.</p><h3>Lonely for a Part of Yourself</h3><p>The loneliness that follows the death of a spouse or partner is often layered and complex. The losses are cumulative and can affect every area of life. We may yearn for the life we shared—even the difficult parts. The certainty, the shared interests, the intimacy, the interdependence—all gone. Even in imperfect relationships, the death of a partner can mark the end of unfulfilled hopes. The finality of death means the chance to make things better is gone, which can lead to complicated grief.</p><p>After a partner dies, we are suddenly on our own, often faced with a raft of decisions when we feel least able to make them.</p><blockquote><p>“My husband was the technical one,” said Colette. “The first time my computer broke after he died, I actually called out loud to him to help me. I knew it sounded ridiculous, but I felt so helpless and alone.”</p></blockquote><p>Good partners offer comfort simply by being present. Ben, who was widowed last year, shared:</p><blockquote><p>“We were very close and did a lot together. We enjoyed watching TV in the evenings. I’d be in my chair, she’d be on the couch, and we’d exchange a glance, knowing what the other was thinking. Now, I see something in a film and turn to look at her—but the couch is empty. She’s not there. I know it will take me a long time to stop turning toward her.”</p></blockquote><p>Losing a partner can also mean losing a part of ourselves.</p><blockquote><p>“I’ve realised that nobody will ever see me again as he did,” my mother said, months after my father’s death. “I am lonely for that part of myself.”</p></blockquote><h3>Looking After Ourselves as Best We Can</h3><p>As we move through the loneliness of grief, it’s important to care for ourselves as best we can. This might mean accepting support from trusted friends or family. Patience and self-compassion are essential—allowing ourselves to feel pain and sadness, and giving grief the time it needs.</p><p>There may be moments of joy, distraction, or escape that we can allow ourselves without guilt. Expressing grief in healthy ways—through art, writing, gardening, cooking, or walking in nature—can also help.</p><p>When we’re ready, there are sources of support. Spending time with family members who are also grieving can be healing. Sharing stories, laughing, and crying together can be deeply therapeutic.</p><p>Don’t rule out professional help. Joining a bereavement support group can offer comfort and connection with others who understand. If loneliness persists and is accompanied by intense or prolonged grief, speaking with a therapist or counsellor can provide the space to explore and express your feelings—and, in time, help you begin to live more fully again.</p>

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Loneliness After Loss: Navigating Grief and Finding Connection

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Listening Matters: Helping Older People Navigate Loss

Loneliness After Loss: Navigating Grief and Finding Connection