<h3>Grief Is Personal</h3><p>How you grieve, and the emotions you may experience when someone dies by suicide, are unique to you – just as individual as your fingerprint. Each person is affected in their own way because everyone is different, even within the same family. You had your own relationship with the person who died, your own experiences with loss, and your own way of expressing emotions.</p><h3>How Are You Feeling?</h3><p>People often ask ‘how are you feeling?’ and this can sometimes be impossible to answer. When someone dies suddenly, you can be left with an overwhelming array of feelings and thoughts. The following are just some of the feelings and thoughts you might be experiencing. You might experience some of these more than others, or they might come and go over time. Others, you might not experience at all, and that’s ok too.</p><ul><li>Sadness</li><li>Numbness</li><li>Anger</li><li>Defensiveness</li><li>Depression and anxiety</li><li>Despair and suicidal thoughts</li><li>Disbelief</li><li>Fear</li><li>Regret</li><li>Feeling stigmatised or judged by others</li><li>A sense of longing</li><li>Rejection</li><li>Shock</li><li>Searching</li><li>Relief</li><li>Acceptance</li></ul><h3>The Depth of Grief</h3><p>The depth of feeling associated with suicide loss can affect all aspects of your being: mental, physical, emotional and spiritual. In just a short period of time, you can use up your energy and feel overwhelmed and exhausted, and the intensity of some feelings might feel overwhelming at times. You can expect some physical reactions to your grief, e.g., headaches, loss of appetite, and inability to sleep. Your GP can give you advice about coping with these reactions, if needed.</p><h3>Nurturing Yourself Through Grief</h3><p>It is really important to nurture yourself on your grief journey. Here are some things to remember:</p><ul><li>Know you can survive. You may not think so but you can.</li><li>You might struggle with “why” it happened, until you no longer need to know “why” or until you are satisfied with some, or no answers. Wear out your questions, anger, guilt, or other feelings until you can let them go. Letting go doesn’t mean forgetting.</li><li>Be aware you may feel inappropriate anger at the person, at the world, at God, at yourself. It’s okay to express this anger safely.</li><li>Accept that you may feel guilty for what you think you did, or did not do.</li><li>Know that having suicidal thoughts is common. It does not mean that you will act on these thoughts. However, seek help if you have frequent suicidal thoughts or if you are thinking of acting on them. Talk to your GP anytime, or to the Emergency Department of your nearest hospital if you feel at risk of harm.</li><li>Take one moment or one day at a time.</li><li>Find a good listener with whom to share.</li><li>Don’t be afraid to cry. Tears are healing.</li><li>Try to put off major decisions.</li><li>Be patient with yourself and with others who may not understand.</li><li>Know that you will never be the same again, but find hope – that you can survive and even go beyond just surviving.</li><li>Be kind and gentle with yourself.</li></ul><p><i>This article is adapted from </i><a href="https://www.healthpromotion.ie/products/you-are-not-alone-suicide-bereavement-support-guide"><i>You Are Not Alone, the national suicide bereavement support guide.</i></a></p><p><i>For more information from the HSE on bereavement, loss and suicide bereavement, visit </i><a href="https://www2.hse.ie/mental-health/life-situations-events/bereavement/"><i>www.hse.ie/grief</i></a><i>.</i></p><p><i>From the HSE National Office for Suicide Prevention.</i></p>

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Bereaved by Suicide: Understanding Your Grief, Your Way

<p>Grief comes in many forms, and every loss is deeply personal. Yet sometimes, the world around us does not acknowledge our pain. This is called disenfranchised grief — a natural emotional response to loss that is not openly accepted or recognised by others. For those experiencing it, the silence or dismissal can be just as painful as the loss itself.</p><h3>What is Disenfranchised Grief?</h3><p>The term was first defined by grief expert Dr. Kenneth Doka in 1989: <i>“Disenfranchised grief refers to a loss that’s not openly acknowledged, socially mourned, or publicly supported.”</i></p><p>This type of grief often arises when:</p><ol><li>The loss is not considered “important enough” by others.</li><li>The type of loss is stigmatised.</li><li>Some people are seen as not “entitled” to grieve.</li><li>The circumstances of the death are denied.</li><li>The way someone expresses their grief is judged.</li></ol><p>Think of moments when someone says, <i>“I was only their friend,”</i> or <i>“We were divorced, so I shouldn’t feel this upset.”</i> These are powerful examples of how people can minimise their own grief because they feel it doesn’t “count.”</p><p>But here’s the truth: <strong>all grief is valid.</strong></p><h3>Why it Matters</h3><p>When grief is not recognised, it can leave the mourner feeling isolated, unwelcome, or even ashamed of their pain. This can make the grieving process longer and more complicated.</p><p>For those bereaved by suicide, disenfranchised grief can feel especially heavy. Because suicide carries stigma, some may feel that others see their loved one’s death as “less worthy” of sympathy, or that they themselves are “less entitled” to grieve. Whether real or imagined, these feelings can prevent people from seeking the support they need — leaving them to carry their grief alone.</p><p>As one bereaved person shared:</p><blockquote><p><br /><i>“When I lost my friend to suicide, people said, ‘But you weren’t family.’ It made me feel like my grief didn’t matter. But it mattered deeply — it still does.”</i></p></blockquote><h3>Finding a Way Forward</h3><p>If you recognise yourself in this type of grief, know that you are not alone — and your feelings are valid. Some steps that may help include:</p><ul><li>Communicate your needs: Let family and friends know what kind of support helps you most. Often, people want to help but feel unsure of what to say or do.</li><li>Seek safe spaces: A support group can offer relief, connection, and validation by bringing together others who truly understand.</li><li>Professional support: Speaking with a grief therapist can provide guidance in processing difficult emotions.</li><li>Stay connected: Whatever you choose, try not to isolate yourself. Reaching out is a sign of strength, not weakness.</li></ul><p>Grief does not need permission to exist — and neither do you. Every relationship, every bond, and every loss is worthy of being honoured. If you are experiencing disenfranchised grief, know that your pain is real, your love is real, and you are deserving of support and compassion.</p><p>For free, peer-led support after suicide loss, visit <a href="https://hugg.ie/find-support-after-a-suicide/ ">HUGG.ie</a>. </p>

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When Grief Goes Unrecognised: Understanding Disenfranchised Grief

<p><i>Grief after suicide is profound and often bewildering. </i></p><p>For many men, it can be uniquely challenging because of social expectations about being “strong,” private, or self-reliant. When grief is pushed inward, pain can feel even heavier. This piece explores why men’s grief may look different, how that’s perfectly valid, and the supports that can help when the road feels long.</p><h3>Why Men’s Grief Can Look Different</h3><p>Men are often discouraged, either explicitly or implicitly, from showing vulnerability. As a result, many cope by withdrawing, keeping busy, or trying to "get on with it." This can lead to a painful mix of isolation and guilt.</p><p>In <i>AfterWords</i>, a survey of people bereaved by suicide in Ireland, 65% of men reported mental health difficulties after the loss. Forty percent used alcohol to cope. Thirty-three percent experienced problems in family relationships. Twenty-eight percent said their physical health deteriorated. These figures highlight the need for timely, tailored support, along with compassion for ourselves and each other.</p><h3>Different Grieving Styles (All Valid)</h3><p>Grief is not one-size-fits-all. Many men lean toward instrumental grieving, which means processing through thinking and doing rather than expressing visible emotion. Others are intuitive grievers, and many move between styles over time.</p><p>Returning to work, playing sport, or tackling projects is not a sign of avoiding grief. These actions can be genuine ways of carrying both love and pain. What matters most is whether your way of grieving helps you feel supported and connected.</p><h3>What Can Help</h3><p>There is no single right strategy. Try a few approaches and notice what supports you best:</p><ul><li><strong>Move your body. </strong>Walks, gym sessions, solo or team sports — physical activity can lift your mood and help regulate your nervous system.</li><li><strong>Peer connection. </strong>Men’s or mixed bereavement groups, including suicide-specific peer support, can normalise feelings and offer practical coping tools.</li><li><strong>Professional support. </strong>A counsellor or psychotherapist with experience in suicide bereavement can help with complex emotions, trauma, and guilt.</li><li><strong>Create and make.</strong> Journaling, music, woodworking, gardening — expressing grief through action can be deeply grounding.</li><li><strong>Mindfulness and breath. </strong>Simple practices can help you ride emotional waves without being overwhelmed.</li></ul><p>However you grieve, your love is real, and so is your loss. You do not have to go through this alone. Reaching out for connection is an act of strength, not a failure of it. If you have been bereaved by suicide and would value peer support or a listening ear, <a href="https://hugg.ie/">HUGG </a>is here to walk alongside you.</p><p><i>AfterWords: A survey of people bereaved by suicide in Ireland. O'Connell S, Tuomey F, O'Brien C, Daly C, Ruane-McAteer E, Khan A, McDonnell L, Arensman E, Andriessen K, Grennan A, Griffin E (2022)</i></p>

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Understanding Men’s Grief After Suicide

<h3>Rebuilding After Suicide Loss</h3><p>Rebuilding your life after the loss of someone close to suicide, might feel like an enormous challenge. But there is always hope. Despite all the difficult feelings and trauma – especially in the early days – we know that many people bereaved by suicide do eventually learn to embrace life again.</p><h3>Always Prioritise Yourself</h3><p>After someone dies, it may be that you look after everyone except yourself. Taking care of yourself should be a priority. It could just mean spending some time with friends, choosing to be alone and taking some time to yourself, or doing something nice for yourself, a treat. You may want different things on different days, but it is important to always look out for your own feelings and needs, and prioritize them.</p><h3>Find a Good Listener</h3><p>People who have been bereaved by suicide often say that the most helpful thing is to find someone (or more than one person) who can listen. They may not be the most obvious people; friends may not be as easy to talk to or as available as you might hope. Look out for people who will simply listen and let you ‘be you’.</p><h3>Meet Others Who Have Had a Similar Loss</h3><p>Some people who have been bereaved by suicide find it helps to connect with others who have been bereaved similarly. It may be helpful to connect with their feelings, and perhaps you may feel you are not alone. This could be through attending a support group or one-to-one support for people who have been bereaved by suicide.</p><h3>Use Some Self-Help</h3><p>Some people who are bereaved find it informative to read books on a broad range of topics, such as the psychology of suicide, the experiences of people bereaved by suicide, loss and grief. There are also many trusted online sources of information, as well as various podcasts available that may be useful for you.</p><p>For some, daily spiritual practice – including visits to the person’s grave or a place that was meaningful for them – can provide great solace. Equally, reassurance from clergy and other faith leaders may be helpful in the early days following a suicide. You might also find spiritual support in other places, or with self-care strategies such as getting gentle exercise, being in nature, or practicing relaxation, yoga or mindfulness.</p><h3>Getting Through</h3><p>Nobody can tell you how you should grieve; if anyone tries to do so, you can remind them that everyone grieves differently. Grieving for someone has a definite starting point but no definitive end. The truth is that you will always carry what has happened inside you.</p><p>You may find that some days all you can think about is the loss, and some days you can do some tasks or think a little about your next steps in life. You may switch between these on an hourly basis; this is natural. Sometimes it can feel as if grief takes over. But people bereaved by suicide say that one day, perhaps against expectations, you may find that there is space for something else – a plan, a hope. And one day, maybe there will be a little more space. It isn’t so much that your grief is growing smaller; it’s that your world is growing around the grief.</p><p><i>This article is adapted from </i><a href="https://www.healthpromotion.ie/products/you-are-not-alone-suicide-bereavement-support-guide"><i>You Are Not Alone, the national suicide bereavement support guide.</i></a></p><p><i>For more information from the HSE on bereavement, loss and suicide bereavement, visit </i><a href="https://www2.hse.ie/mental-health/life-situations-events/bereavement/"><i>www.hse.ie/grief</i></a><i>.</i></p><p><i>From the HSE National Office for Suicide Prevention.</i></p>

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Rebuilding After Suicide Loss: Finding Hope in the Aftermath

<p><i>Grief after suicide can feel overwhelming, isolating, and incredibly heavy. </i></p><p>For many, the fear of stigma or misunderstanding makes it difficult to speak openly about their loss. Elaine’s journey shows how finding a compassionate community can provide relief, connection, and hope—even in the darkest moments.</p><h3>Finding a Place to Breathe</h3><p>After the death of her son Dan, Elaine struggled with intense emotions and the weight of silence. Speaking openly about her grief brought immense relief. She describes the peer support she received from HUGG as, in her words, <i>“life-saving.”</i></p><p>Being with people who truly understood her unique pain gave her the space to breathe for the first time. Elaine’s experience highlights a vital truth for those bereaved by suicide: finding a community that offers empathy and understanding can be a lifeline.</p><p>“It was the first place I felt I could just breathe and be myself,” Elaine says.</p><h3>Postvention is Prevention: Acknowledging Suicidal Thoughts</h3><p>Elaine also highlights a rarely spoken reality: people bereaved by suicide may experience suicidal thoughts themselves. Addressing this openly is crucial. Being able to discuss these feelings in a safe, supportive environment can be life-saving.</p><p><a href="https://hugg.ie/">HUGG</a> provides such a space, where difficult conversations can happen without judgment, allowing bereaved individuals to feel seen, understood, and supported. Elaine emphasizes that knowing you are not alone in these thoughts is a critical step toward healing.</p><h3>From Grieving Mother to Group Facilitator</h3><p>Elaine’s journey has evolved from seeking support to offering it. She now facilitates a suicide bereavement support group and finds that volunteering gives her energy, sustains her, and deepens her connection to her own grief.</p><p>“I often wonder what people did before HUGG existed,” she reflects.</p><p>Her work allows her to help others navigate their grief while honoring Dan’s memory. Through sharing her experience, Elaine extends a hand to countless others, inviting them into a conversation that fosters understanding, hope, and human connection.</p><h3>A Closing Thought</h3><p>Elaine’s story reminds us that healing after suicide loss is possible, and that compassionate community can make an enormous difference. If you are grieving, you are not alone. HUGG offers peer-led support groups and resources to help you navigate your grief and find connection. Reaching out—even in small steps—can be life-saving.</p>

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Life-Saving Support After Suicide Loss: Elaine’s Story

<h3>Help Is Always Available</h3><p>There is always help and support available for you, and your loved ones. Some people might like to talk to others about what has happened, while others prefer to turn their grief into action. Whatever way you cope, it is really important to have good support in the form of people with whom you can just be yourself, whatever way that is.</p><h3>When to Seek Extra Support</h3><p>Most of the time, friends, family and colleagues can provide this support, but sometimes, particularly with suicide, you may need some extra help. If you are finding that you are feeling overwhelmed, experiencing nightmares or flashbacks, unable to eat or sleep, feeling isolated, having suicidal thoughts or finding yourself unable to cope, then seeking extra support can be helpful. If you need to, talk with your GP, especially if things have been feeling overwhelming for some time, and if you’re struggling to cope.</p><h3>Organisations Offering Bereavement Support</h3><p>The following are some organisations that provide bereavement-specific support:</p><ul style="list-style-type:disc"><li><span style="font-family:&quot;Arial&quot;,sans-serif">HUGG is a national suicide bereavement organisation. They offer grief resources, a telephone support line, and peer-led support groups led by trained volunteers with lived experience. HUGG also run public events and provides research and advocacy. </span><a href="http://www.hugg.ie"><span style="font-family:&quot;Arial&quot;,sans-serif">www.hugg.ie</span></a><span style="font-family:&quot;Arial&quot;,sans-serif"> </span></li><li><span style="font-family:&quot;Arial&quot;,sans-serif">The Irish Childhood Bereavement Network provides information on grief in children, adolescents and families. On their website, you can find a list of resources and tools to help and support you and your family. </span><a href="http://www.childhoodbereavement.ie"><span style="font-family:&quot;Arial&quot;,sans-serif">www.childhoodbereavement.ie</span></a><span style="font-family:&quot;Arial&quot;,sans-serif"> </span></li><li><span style="font-family:&quot;Arial&quot;,sans-serif">The Irish Hospice Foundation provides information on grief in children, adolescents and families. They have a range of leaflets, booklets and videos available to download and order, as well as shared personal experiences. </span><a href="http://www.hospicefoundation.ie"><span style="font-family:&quot;Arial&quot;,sans-serif">www.hospicefoundation.ie</span></a><span style="font-family:&quot;Arial&quot;,sans-serif"> </span></li><li><span style="font-family:&quot;Arial&quot;,sans-serif">The Suicide Bereavement Liaison Service is a free, confidential service that provides assistance and support to families and individuals after the loss of a loved one to suicide. This service is provided by different agencies throughout Ireland.</span><ul style="list-style-type:circle"><li><a href="http://www.pieta.ie"><span style="font-family:&quot;Arial&quot;,sans-serif">www.pieta.ie</span></a><span style="font-family:&quot;Arial&quot;,sans-serif"> </span></li><li><a href="http://www.vitahouse.org"><span style="font-family:&quot;Arial&quot;,sans-serif">www.vitahouse.org</span></a><span style="font-family:&quot;Arial&quot;,sans-serif"> (Roscommon)</span></li><li><a href="http://www.thefamilycentre.com"><span style="font-family:&quot;Arial&quot;,sans-serif">www.thefamilycentre.com</span></a><span style="font-family:&quot;Arial&quot;,sans-serif"> (Mayo)</span></li></ul></li><li><span style="font-family:&quot;Arial&quot;,sans-serif">Anam Cara supports parents after bereavement by signposting to services and providing information evenings in the community throughout the country. </span><a href="http://www.anamcara.ie"><span style="font-family:&quot;Arial&quot;,sans-serif">www.anamcara.ie</span></a><span style="font-family:&quot;Arial&quot;,sans-serif"> </span></li><li><span style="font-family:&quot;Arial&quot;,sans-serif">Barnardos deliver a specialist bereavement service where children and young people are supported to grieve. They also have a huge amount of information on grief in children, adolescents and families. Free e-books can be downloaded from their website. </span><a href="http://www.barnardos.ie"><span style="font-family:&quot;Arial&quot;,sans-serif">www.barnardos.ie</span></a></li></ul><h3>General Mental Health Support</h3><p>If you, or someone you know, needs general support for their mental health, you can also visit the HSE website <a href="www.yourmentalhealth.ie">www.yourmentalhealth.ie</a> for information on how to mind your mental health, support others, or find a support service in your area.</p><p><i>This article is adapted from </i><a href="https://www.healthpromotion.ie/products/you-are-not-alone-suicide-bereavement-support-guide"><i>You Are Not Alone, the national suicide bereavement support guide.</i></a></p><p><i>For more information from the HSE on bereavement, loss and suicide bereavement, visit </i><a href="https://www2.hse.ie/mental-health/life-situations-events/bereavement/"><i>www.hse.ie/grief</i></a><i>.</i></p><p><i>From the HSE National Office for Suicide Prevention.</i></p><p> </p>

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Bereaved by Suicide: Finding the Right Support for You

<p><i>Grief after suicide is unlike any other loss. </i></p><p>Alongside sadness and longing, it often carries feelings of guilt, shame, regret, or the haunting thought <i>“I could have done more.”</i> These emotions can feel overwhelming and isolating, making it hard to extend care and gentleness to ourselves.</p><p>One way to begin softening this pain is through self-compassion—and a gentle way to practice self-compassion is by writing a letter to yourself.</p><h3>What is Self-Compassion?</h3><p>In the aftermath of suicide loss, many people find that their inner voice becomes harsh and self-critical. Self-compassion is about meeting that inner critic with kindness instead of judgment.</p><p>Dr. Kristin Neff, a pioneer in this field, describes self-compassion as the intersection of mindfulness, kindness, and common humanity:</p><ul><li>Mindfulness: Recognising and naming painful emotions without being consumed by them.</li><li>Kindness: Speaking to yourself with gentleness, especially when guilt or shame feels heavy.</li><li>Common Humanity: Remembering that suffering is a shared human experience—many others who have been bereaved by suicide carry these same feelings. You are not alone.</li></ul><p>This way of relating to yourself does not deny grief—it simply creates space to carry it with less self-blame and more care.</p><h3>Why Write a Self-Compassionate Letter?</h3><p>When someone dies by suicide, self-blame can feel like an endless echo: <i>“Why didn’t I see the signs?” “I should have done more.”</i> Writing a letter to yourself as if you were a dear friend allows you to respond to those painful thoughts with compassion.</p><p>A self-compassionate letter can:</p><ul><li>Help soften guilt and shame by offering gentle, understanding words.</li><li>Remind you that suicide is never the fault of one person.</li><li>Provide comfort in moments when the inner critic feels loudest.</li></ul><h3>How to Begin</h3><ul><li>Find a quiet space where you feel safe.</li><li>Imagine you are writing to a close friend who has been through what you are facing. What words of kindness and reassurance would you offer them?</li><li>Begin your letter with warmth, such as <i>“Dear [your name], I know this is an unbearably hard time…”</i></li><li>Write as if you were holding yourself with care, recognising the pain of your loss but also affirming that you are doing the best you can in impossible circumstances.</li></ul><p>Suicide grief can feel unbearably heavy, but self-compassion offers a gentle light. By writing to yourself with understanding, you create a safe space where guilt and shame can soften—and where love, memory, and healing can slowly take root.</p><p>You are worthy of the same kindness you would offer to someone else who is grieving. </p><p><i>Visit </i><a href="https://hugg.ie/find-support-after-a-suicide/ "><i>HUGG.ie</i></a><i> for support. </i></p>

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Building Self-Compassion After Suicide Loss: A Gentle Guide to Letter Writing

<p><i>When you first learn that someone close to you has died by suicide, you may experience a wide range of emotions. </i></p><p>You might feel completely lost, in shock, and unsure of what you are thinking or doing.</p><p>Death by suicide is an overwhelming loss that can leave families, friends, and communities grappling with intense emotions and many unanswered questions.</p><h3>Grieving Is Unique to Everyone</h3><p>While the pattern of grief is unique to every person, many of those bereaved by suicide will experience similar feelings. Everyone will respond differently when someone dies by suicide, and how we grieve and for how long will vary from person to person. You may experience very different emotions from another person who was also affected, and you may feel certain emotions more strongly than others. You will communicate how you are feeling in your own individual way. For example, you may not want to talk at all about the loss for a time, or constant talking may be your way of coping. However you react, it is your way of trying to make sense of what has happened, express your feelings, get information and deal with your inner turmoil and pain.</p><h3>Adjusting Over Time</h3><p>Over time, the intensity of the pain and loss usually eases, and you can begin to adjust to life without the person who has died. There is no set timeline for grieving, and everyone will navigate it in their own way. Talking through your feelings with a trusted friend or relative may be all the support you need. For some, meeting people who have had a similar experience creates solidarity in the loss and helps by providing relief, comfort and healing. Some may need extra support, for example, from their GP or a professional counsellor.</p><h3>Choosing the Right Support</h3><p>If you choose to seek support – whether professional or community-based – it is important that you feel in control and able to access the type of support that feels right for you, especially when you need it most.</p><p><i>This article is adapted from </i><a href="https://www.healthpromotion.ie/products/you-are-not-alone-suicide-bereavement-support-guide"><i>You Are Not Alone, the national suicide bereavement support guide.</i></a></p><p><i>For more information from the HSE on bereavement, loss and suicide bereavement, visit </i><a href="www.hse.ie/grief"><i>www.hse.ie/grief</i></a></p>

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Bereaved by Suicide: The Initial Impact of Suicide Loss

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Topic: Suicide Bereavement