<p>When someone you love dies, planning a wake can feel like one more impossible task. Did they want a wake? Should it be an open or closed casket? Will it be at home or in the funeral home?</p><p>It’s worth remembering that you don’t have to have a wake at all. But if you do, it doesn’t need to be perfect. It just needs to feel personal, comforting, and manageable.</p><p>Here are five common mistakes to gently sidestep.</p><h3>1. Trying to Do It All Yourself</h3><p>You need space to grieve, not to stress about chairs, catering, and whether the kettle’s boiled. Accept help, even if you don’t yet know what you need. Draft in friends, lean on your funeral director, or ask someone to coordinate the house or venue so you can simply be present.</p><h3>2. Misjudging the Space</h3><p>Count likely visitors, even though <a href="https://rip.ie/grief-and-bereavement-support/how-to-estimate-guest-numbers-at-a-funeral-or-wake-208">gauging numbers is one of the hardest things to do</a>. If the crowd is mostly older, make sure there’s enough seating.</p><p>If there’s a casket, it should be placed at an angle, giving guests the option to approach and pay their respects or not, without pressure. Avoid placing it in a way that causes bottlenecks; guests should be able to move easily in and out of the space.</p><h3>3. Under- or Over-Catering</h3><p>Wakes are long, emotional days. Guests will need something, but the family often forgets to eat at all.</p><p>Provide simple food for visitors, but also plan a proper meal for the immediate family that can be heated once the house is quiet. It’s a small gesture that makes a big difference.</p><h3>4. Letting the Atmosphere Go Unshaped</h3><p>The best wakes strike a balance; respectful, but not somber. Choose music you know they’d have loved, not what feels “funeral-ish.” Create warmth with a few candles, photos, or flowers. It doesn’t have to be fussy. It just needs to feel like them.</p><h3>5. Skipping the Practical Bits</h3><p>Bins, loo roll, signage, pets underfoot, coat racks — tiny things, but they’ll catch you out. Walk through the day in your head. What will people need? What will you need?</p><p>A short checklist on the fridge can save a lot of fluster. Also, don’t forget to state a finish time. It doesn’t need to be rigid, but it gives people a sense of structure and gives you permission to start winding down when you need to.</p><p><i>You don’t have to host a flawless event. You just need to create a space where people feel looked after, loved, and close to the person they’re saying goodbye to.</i></p>

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5 Mistakes to Avoid When Planning a Wake

<p>Estimating how many people will attend a funeral or wake is one of the trickiest parts of planning. You might second-guess everything, from how well-known the person was, to how far people will travel, or whether a weekday funeral will impact turnout.</p><p>While you’ll never get an exact number, here are a few key factors to help guide your thinking. These tips will help you plan for food, space, and a smooth flow to the day.</p><h3>1. Age, Life Stage, and Social Connections</h3><p>An older person who’s outlived many friends may draw a smaller crowd than someone younger or recently retired. However, those involved in clubs, sports, or community groups often have multiple social circles—and they add up quickly.</p><h3>2. Size of the Family</h3><p>A large family means a bigger guest list before you even consider friends. In-laws, cousins, adult children’s partners, and their families can quickly increase numbers.</p><h3>3. How Well-Known Were They and How Public Was the Passing?</h3><p>If the deceased or their immediate family are well connected, expect a larger turnout. People often attend to support the bereaved as much as to honour the person who died. A widely shared death notice can also increase attendance.</p><h3>4. Cultural Expectations and Traditions</h3><p>In some families, especially in rural Ireland, a wake is non-negotiable, and entire communities turn up. In others, funerals are more private. When in doubt, ask someone close who understands the wider social expectations.</p><h3>5. Venue, Time, and Location</h3><p>A city-centre service at rush hour might put some people off. A weekday funeral may limit attendance slightly, while a weekend or evening wake makes it easier for others to attend. Location always plays a role.</p><h3>Still Unsure? Round Up</h3><p>It’s far better to have extra chairs and too many sandwiches than guests standing in the hall or nothing left to offer. If space is tight, staggered attendance can work—especially at home.</p><p><span style="font-family:&quot;Aptos&quot;,sans-serif;font-size:12.0pt">You won’t guess it perfectly, no one does, but with some thought and the right support, you can plan with confidence and kindness.</span></p>

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How to Estimate Guest Numbers at a Funeral or Wake

<h3>A Practical Guide from RIP.ie</h3><p>Whether a death is anticipated or unexpected, it is a very difficult time for those close to the deceased. It is also a time when many decisions need to be made, often very soon after the death, which can cause considerable stress.</p><p>This practical guide offers a step-by-step overview of the tasks you may need to manage. Not all points will apply to every situation, but many will. If the deceased left instructions regarding funeral preferences or a list of people to notify, your job will be easier. If not, you may need to consult family members and check address books or contact lists.</p><h3>Immediate Steps</h3><ul><li>Contact the next of kin, especially those abroad.</li><li>If a doctor is not present, contact one to obtain a death certificate.</li><li>In cases of sudden or unusual death, do not move anything until the doctor arrives.</li><li>Inform the doctor immediately if the deceased held an organ donor card.</li><li>Locate burial instructions or last wishes.</li><li>If the death occurs at home, contact the Gardaí.</li><li>Notify close friends, relatives, neighbours, employer and colleagues.</li></ul><h3>Notify Key Contacts</h3><p>In the days following the death, you may need to contact:</p><ul><li>State authorities (e.g. pension or social welfare offices)</li><li>Insurance agencies and financial institutions</li><li>The deceased’s solicitor</li></ul><h3>Funeral Arrangements</h3><ul><li>Contact a funeral director for support.</li><li>Confirm if a burial plot exists and its location.</li><li>Agree on wake details and location.</li><li>Decide if the body will be on view (open or closed coffin).</li><li>Clarify if the house is private or open to mourners.</li><li>Set the date, time and location of services.</li><li>Write the death notice.</li><li>Choose coffin, casket or pod (for burial).</li><li>Decide on ashes scattering or container (for cremation).</li><li>Choose flowers or charitable donations (mention in death notice).</li><li>Plan prayers, readings, music and structure of the service.</li><li>Ask those involved in the service well in advance.</li><li>Arrange refreshments and book a venue.</li></ul><h3>Cancel or Redirect Services</h3><p>You may need to cancel or redirect:</p><ul><li>Standing orders</li><li>Newspaper and journal subscriptions</li><li>Milk or coal deliveries</li><li>Telephone and broadband</li><li>Mobile phone</li><li>Bin collection</li><li>Rent</li><li>TV and radio licence</li><li>Postal services</li></ul><h3>Special Burial Requests</h3><ul><li>For natural or woodland burials, contact organisations like <a href="https://www.greengraveyard.com/">The Green Graveyard Company</a> in Killane, Co. Wexford.</li><li>For religious ceremonies, contact the appropriate religious advisor.</li><li>For non-religious ceremonies, contact the <a href="https://www.greengraveyard.com/">Humanist Association of Ireland.</a></li></ul><h3>Secure the Home</h3><p>Arrange for someone trustworthy to look after the house during the funeral to prevent burglary.</p><h3>Accept Help</h3><p>Keep track of those who offer help and thank them later. Tasks may include:</p><ul><li>Cleaning the house</li><li>Looking after children or elderly relatives</li><li>Watering plants</li><li>Caring for pets</li></ul><h3>Important Documents to Locate</h3><ul><li>Death certificate</li><li>Prepaid funeral plans or burial plot documents</li><li>Will and trusts</li><li>Life insurance policies</li><li>Pension and retirement plans</li><li>Investment accounts</li><li>Credit card and bank statements</li><li>Marriage, birth, divorce certificates</li><li>Business ownership documents</li><li>Title deeds for property or vehicles</li><li>Health insurance</li><li>Tax returns</li><li>Safe deposit keys</li></ul><h3>Inventory of Belongings</h3><p>Make a list of household goods, valuables and personal items for proper distribution.</p><h3>Settling the Estate</h3><ul><li>If there is a will, the executor named will manage the estate.</li><li>If there is no will, the law will appoint a representative—usually a spouse or adult child.</li><li>Contact financial advisors, solicitors or accountants to check for urgent matters.</li></ul>

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A Practical Guide After a Death – Checklist from RIP.ie

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Topic: Wake Planning