<h3>Trusting the Grief Process</h3><p>When a death happens to someone we love, whether expected or unexpected, our sense of safety and belonging is rattled. In the place where trust once resided, a rolling and encompassing wave of fear can knock security out of our bones and take an uninvited front seat in our mind and body.</p><p>This fear can create uncertainty, panic, doubt, and mistrust in ourselves. It can beg us to fall to our knees, as the person we once were surrenders to the earth and begins to try to understand how this once strong, capable, and confident self has been transformed—without will—dragged and catapulted into a wave of confusion, bewilderment, and disorientation.</p><h3>The Questions That Haunt Us</h3><p>How can we trust in this process?<br />How does any of this make sense?<br />It is not fair.</p><p>Why are we left behind to try to find some meaning in our deep sadness, while yearning for the life we once knew—where we lived vicariously, free of grief, and without this hollow sorrow?</p><h3>Grief Is Both Full and Empty</h3><p>The grief that is felt is both full and empty. It is tinged with melancholy, flashed with regret, woes, and worry. The grief process can throw us into a spinning wheel of fear and discomfort. It is felt wholly within the crevices of our bones and our being.</p><p>How can we trust this?<br />How does this make sense?</p><h3>You Are Human—And Your Reaction Is Normal</h3><p>We can trust this by knowing that we are human. These visceral reactions to the death of a loved one are normal parts of the grieving process. There is no one way to grieve. There are no tick-the-box answers or exercises.</p><p>So many of you reading this article today are looking for answers—how to fix this feeling, how to transform despair into trust and love again. The first thing you need to know is: your reaction is normal. The second is: what encourages one person to heal may not work for another.</p><h3>Grief Is Not Linear</h3><p>Healing our grief is not linear. It is complicated. It depends on your relationship with the person, your beliefs, values, faith, personality, coping mechanisms, core beliefs, and your family of origin.</p><p>It starts with you. This process is yours.</p><p>You can take inspiration along your journey of grief from other people. However, if something isn’t working for you, it doesn’t mean you’ve done something wrong. It simply means that, in this moment, it’s not what you need. This can change depending on where you are on your pilgrimage of grief.</p><h3>When Grief Feels Unbearable</h3><p>I can tell you that if I had read one of my own articles when I was in the thick of grief after losing my third sibling, I might have thrown the phone or laptop at the wall in anger—feeling invisible, misunderstood, destabilised, and scared.</p><p>I would have wanted to shout from the rooftops:</p><blockquote><p><br />“They don't get it! They haven’t a f*ing clue what I’m going through!”</p></blockquote><p>This passed. Slowly, but it did pass. I began to trust and realise that this reaction was showing me my anger and frustration. That this needed to be sat with and acknowledged compassionately.</p><p>Of course I was angry. I had to learn that anger and frustration made sense.</p><h3>Grief Comes in Layers</h3><p>All parts of your grieving process will show up when they are ready. There are layers. Some are more difficult than others. There is no need to force this.</p><p>It is hard to trust this, especially when your faith in the universe has been pulled from the soles of your feet and the ground beneath you has been shaken.</p><h3>Rebuilding Your Foundation</h3><p>And know this: it is here that you will build the foundation of your delicate yet dynamic whole being. The being that has been cracked open—and through learning to trust yourself again—you will begin to look back and notice just how far you’ve come in your growth, compassion, and changing relationship with grief.</p><h3>An Invitation, Not a Prescription</h3><p>As always, remember that my writing is here just as an invitation. There is no right or wrong. Depending on your personality, attachments, beliefs, and values, this may land with you—or it may not. Take what you want and leave the rest behind.</p><h3>Grief Takes Time</h3><p>When you are ready, the right word, article, song, or poem will show up for you. Take your time with your grief. It is not a race. It is a sacred piece of you that seeks time to be honoured, sat with, and seen.</p><p>Taking time to be with your grief will empower you to trust the process—and most importantly, to trust yourself again.</p>

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Trusting the Grief Process: Learning to Honour Your Healing Journey

<h3>When Everything Feels Overwhelming</h3><p>When you’ve experienced the loss of a loved one, there can be times when it all feels like too much. You might feel restless, agitated, or unable to relaxeven when you’re exhausted. It can seem as though your whole body is tensed, bracing for something.</p><p>When stress, loss, or sudden change occurs, the body reacts automatically. The nervous system instinctively shifts into the sympathetic state, often called the "fight or flight response". This is a primitive survival mechanism designed to protect you and help you respond quickly to danger.</p><p>In this state, you might notice your heart racing, your breathing becoming fast and shallow, your muscles tightening, and your focus narrowing. In short bursts this response is useful, but when we spend too long in fight or flight, it stops being protective and can leave us feeling tense, anxious, and overwhelmed, making the grief even harder to carry.</p><h3>One Breath at a Time</h3><p>Breathwork can be a very effective and simple way to regulate your nervous system and shift back into the calmer, parasympathetic state.</p><p>What is Breathwork? It is the practice of consciously guiding your breathing in different ways to influence how you feel in your body and mind. Breathing is unique because although it happens automatically, it can be intentionally regulated. When you change how you breathe, you can change how you feel.</p><p>By practicing different breathwork techniques, you can activate pathways in the nervous system that promote relaxation, improve focus, and support emotional regulation.</p><h3>A Calming Breath for Moments of Overwhelm</h3><p>When we breathe in, our heart rate speeds up. When we breathe out, it slows down. Slow, rhythmic breathing whereby you extend your exhale, activates the vagus nerve, signalling to your brain that it is safe to leave the fight or flight state.</p><p>Even a few intentional breaths can begin to shift your body into a calmer state. Breathwork won’t erase your feelings, but this technique can help press pause on your internal alarm giving you a pocket of calm. Over time, these pauses add up, giving your system more opportunities to recover.</p><figure class="media"><div data-oembed-url="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xPkb4_YWMFw&amp;t=6s"><div style="position:relative;padding-bottom:100%;height:0;padding-bottom:56.2493%"><iframe src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/xPkb4_YWMFw?start=6" style="position:absolute;width:100%;height:100%;top:0;left:0" frameborder="0" allow="autoplay; encrypted-media" allowfullscreen></iframe></div></div></figure><h3>Try This Simple Breathing Technique</h3><p>To practice this breathing technique, find a position that feels safe and supportive. You might sit upright in a chair with your feet on the floor or lie down somewhere comfortable. If it feels right, place one hand on your chest and one on your belly. Close your eyes gently or simply soften your gaze.</p><p>1. Begin with a slow, gentle inhale through your nose, counting to four in your head.</p><ul style="list-style-type:square"><li>You don’t need to take a big breath, it should be light, gentle, and low into your belly.</li><li>Notice how your belly gently rises and falls under your hand.</li></ul><p>2. Without pausing, exhale slowly through your mouth for six counts, as though you’re gently blowing out a candle.</p><ul style="list-style-type:square"><li>With each exhale, visualise the stress or tension leaving your body.</li><li>Go at your own pace and never force your breath.</li></ul><p>3. Repeat this rhythm several times:</p><ul style="list-style-type:square"><li>Inhale for 4 counts.</li><li>Exhale for 6 counts.</li><li>If your mind wanders, return to the steady count in your head.</li></ul><h3>Notice What Changes</h3><p>As you breathe , you might notice small shifts in your body. You may not feel transformed, but you might notice a softening, a release. Perhaps your shoulders lower slightly? Or your jaw feels less tight? Maybe your heartbeat slows and steadies. Perhaps you simply feel the comfort of focusing on the steady rhythm.</p><p>There is no right or wrong outcome.</p><h3>Your Breath Is Always With You</h3><p>You can return to this practice anytime. You don’t need a quiet room, special equipment, or a long session. Even one or two minutes using this technique can make a difference. Your breath is always with you.</p><p>Over time, these moments of calm accumulate, creating more space for you to meet life as it is.</p><p>Your breath won’t erase life’s challenges, but it can remind you that with every inhale and every exhale, you carry with you a tool that is simple, effective, and always available to help bring your mind and body back from overwhelm to greater ease.</p><h3>A Gentle Reminder</h3><p>Think of these practices as gentle tools you can reach for to support your wellbeing.. They don’t replace medical or therapeutic care. Please only do what feels supportive for you, and if anything doesn’t feel right, simply return to your natural breath.</p><p>If you or a loved one is struggling with ongoing or overwhelming distress, I encourage you to reach out to a healthcare or mental health professional for extra support.</p>

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When Everything Feels Overwhelming. One Breath at a Time.

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Trusting the Grief Process: Learning to Honour Your Healing Journey

When Everything Feels Overwhelming. One Breath at a Time.

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