When a Baby Dies: Supporting Grieving Dads Through Loss

The Silent Grief of Fathers

When a baby dies, the world often looks to the mother. People ask how she is, how she’s coping, what she needs. And while her grief is immense and deserves every bit of care, it can sometimes leave dads standing quietly in the background—hurting, but unseen.

If you’re a dad who has lost a baby, please know this: your grief matters too.

Your Loss Is Real and Heavy

You had all the hopes and dreams. You imagined what life would be like with your child. That loss is real, and it is heavy.

Many dads feel pressure to “be strong”—to hold everything together, to take care of their partner, to sort out the practical things no one else can face. But strength doesn’t mean pushing down your pain. You are allowed to grieve in your own way.

There’s No Right Way to Grieve

Some dads cry. Some need to talk. Others find comfort in keeping busy or channeling their energy into something meaningful. All of this is okay. Whatever way you manage your loss—whatever works for you—is exactly how you are meant to be. There is no right or wrong way to process grief.

Grieving Differently Doesn’t Mean Grieving Less

We often say grief is like a rollercoaster. You may be on the same ride, but you and your partner are in different carriages. This is perfectly okay. It’s important to know that everyone grieves differently. One person may find it difficult to get out of bed, while the other goes to work and carries on as normal. This doesn’t mean they care less or feel the loss any less deeply.

Feeling Invisible or Guilty Is Common

You might feel invisible at times, or even guilty for the way you’re coping. Maybe people don’t ask how you are. Maybe you don’t know how to put your feelings into words. That doesn’t make your grief any less real.

You Don’t Have to Go Through This Alone

There is no right way to do this. You don’t have to hide, and you don’t have to go through it alone. If you can, talk to someone you trust—a friend, a family member, or another dad who has experienced loss. Sharing even a little of what you’re carrying can lift some of the weight.

There are support groups specifically for dads, and you may feel more comfortable in that space.

Honouring Your Baby and Your Healing

Most of all, remember this: being a grieving dad doesn’t mean being silent or strong all the time.

It means loving your baby in the only way you can now—by carrying their memory with you, by allowing yourself to feel, and by honouring your own healing too.

You Are Not Alone

Your grief is valid.

Your baby will always matter.