<p><i><strong>For twenty years, RIP.ie has been a place where Irish people gather in moments of loss, solidarity, and</strong></i><a href="https://ripremembers.rip.ie/campaign/rip-ie-remembers"><i><strong> remembrance.</strong></i></a><i><strong> In marking this anniversary, we wanted to pause and listen, really listen, to what people across the country feel about funerals, grief, and the rituals that shape how we say goodbye.</strong></i></p><p>More than 3,300 people responded to our nationwide survey, sharing not just opinions but memories, frustrations, hopes, and deeply personal reflections. What emerged is a portrait of a country that is changing but still rooted in tradition, a people who value honesty, connection, and the right to honour their loved ones in their own words.</p><h3>A clear message on eulogies: let families speak</h3><p>One finding stood out above all others: <strong>92 percent of adults in Ireland believe every family should have the right to </strong><a href="https://rip.ie/grief-and-bereavement-support/how-to-write-a-eulogy-a-guide-to-creating-a-meaningful-tribute-290"><strong>deliver a eulogy </strong></a><strong>at a funeral mass</strong>. In Munster, that figure rose to 95 percent. For an issue that has caused tension in some dioceses, the public sentiment is unmistakable. Families want, and need, the chance to speak.</p><figure class="image"><img src="https://img-dedicated.rip.ie/image_620cc5de9602f3cc526ec7bc684dbc00e027ec1885a3c27b.png" /></figure><p>As one of the strongest majorities in the entire survey, this result reflects something deeper than preference. It speaks to the Irish instinct to honour our dead through story, humour, memory, and truth. And while respondents were clear that eulogies should be short, most favouring under ten minutes, the principle matters more than the timing. People want space to say goodbye in their own voice.</p><h3>Funerals as celebration, but tradition still holds its place</h3><p>Ireland’s relationship with funerals is evolving but not abandoning its roots. Eighty‑three percent believe a funeral should be a celebration of life. Yet almost one in five still prefer a more traditional, sombre approach, with a similar number saying black should always be worn. In Tipperary, those<a href="https://rip.ie/grief-and-bereavement-support/customs-and-traditions-of-an-irish-wake-283"> traditional instincts</a> are even stronger.</p><p>This duality is part of who we are. We laugh through tears. We honour the old ways while making room for the new. We gather for three days, a rhythm 84 percent of people say feels “about right”, and we show up for one another in numbers that would be unthinkable elsewhere. Kerry people, for example, attend the most funerals in the country, averaging more than six in the past year.</p><h3>Grief is becoming more open, but not for everyone</h3><p>One of the most striking tensions in the survey lies in how we <a href="https://rip.ie/grief-and-bereavement-support/7-simple-ways-to-be-kind-to-yourself-while-you-are-grieving-307">talk about grief</a>. Ninety‑one percent believe Ireland is becoming more open about death and loss. Yet when asked whether grief is still considered a private matter, the country split almost exactly down the middle: <strong>52 percent said yes and 48 percent said no</strong>.</p><p>This tells us something important. While many feel freer to speak about grief, others still carry it quietly. The shift is happening, but unevenly. And that is why spaces of compassion, community, and conversation matter more than ever.</p><h3>What we believe, and what we wonder</h3><p>Ireland’s spiritual landscape is changing but belief remains a powerful thread. <strong>Sixty‑five percent believe in Heaven, 52 percent in an afterlife for the soul, and 14 percent in reincarnation</strong>. Only 16 percent believe in Hell, the same number who believe in none of the listed afterlife options. And yes, 12 percent believe in ghosts.</p><p>These numbers do not just reflect theology. They reflect curiosity, comfort, and the enduring human need to make sense of loss.</p><h3>Music, memory, and the moments that stay with us</h3><p>When we asked people to share their most memorable funeral moments, the responses were extraordinary, tender, funny, surprising, and deeply Irish. <a href="https://rip.ie/grief-and-bereavement-support/8-irish-songs-that-bring-comfort-after-loss-308">Music </a>featured again and again:</p><blockquote><p>My father was a fisherman, and the <i>Lonesome Boatman</i> was played graveside. It was so touching, a very special moment.</p></blockquote><blockquote><p><i>Highway to Hell</i> played as the coffin left the church. The parish priest played it for his close friend.”</p></blockquote><blockquote><p>The local school choir sang <i>Always Look on the Bright Side of Life</i>. The laughter and joy reverberated around the church.</p></blockquote><p>These stories remind us that funerals are not just rituals. They are acts of love. They are the final gift we give someone, shaped by who they were and how they lived.</p><h3>Parting Words, and the conversations Ireland is ready for</h3><p>As part of our twentieth anniversary, RIP.ie launched <a href="https://rip.ie/podcast/introducing-parting-words-a-new-ripie-podcast-on-love-loss-and-the-stories-that-stay-with-us-329"><i>Parting Words</i></a>, a new podcast hosted by Muireann O Connell. The conversations in Season One echo many of the themes uncovered in this survey. Guests speak openly about love, loss, and the lessons grief has carved into their lives. They talk about the moments that broke them and the moments that carried them, and they do so with the honesty and humour that feel unmistakably Irish.</p><figure class="media"><div data-oembed-url="https://youtu.be/qyeJsCh7cZE?si=gqXK0DmkPTs2eiTI"><div style="position:relative;padding-bottom:100%;height:0;padding-bottom:56.2493%"><iframe src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/qyeJsCh7cZE" style="position:absolute;width:100%;height:100%;top:0;left:0" frameborder="0" allow="autoplay; encrypted-media" allowfullscreen></iframe></div></div></figure><p>In a country where people are becoming more willing to talk about death, but where many still feel grief is private, <i>Parting Words</i> offers something rare. It gives people permission to speak. It shows that grief is not a weakness and that remembering someone out loud can be a powerful act of healing. The podcast is already becoming a companion for those who are grieving and a gentle guide for those who want to understand grief better.</p><h3>Supporting people through grief</h3><p>The survey makes one thing clear. People want support, understanding, and connection when they are grieving. They want traditions that anchor them, and they want space to express their loss in ways that feel personal and true. At RIP.ie, we see this every day in the condolence messages left by neighbours, friends, and strangers who simply want to offer comfort.</p><p>Our role has always been to support families at one of the hardest moments of their lives. That support now extends beyond notices and condolences. It includes resources on grief, guidance on planning, and initiatives like<a href="https://ripremembers.rip.ie/campaign/rip-ie-remembers"> RIP.ie Remembers</a>, which invites people to walk in memory of someone they love. It includes the stories shared in <i>Parting Words</i>, and the community that forms quietly around each episode.</p><figure class="media"><div data-oembed-url="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yQvLMkz0B1E"><div style="position:relative;padding-bottom:100%;height:0;padding-bottom:56.2493%"><iframe src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/yQvLMkz0B1E" style="position:absolute;width:100%;height:100%;top:0;left:0" frameborder="0" allow="autoplay; encrypted-media" allowfullscreen></iframe></div></div></figure><p>Grief will always be deeply personal, but it does not have to be solitary. The more we talk about it, the more we understand it, and the more we can support one another through it.</p><h3>A country that shows up</h3><p>Perhaps the most powerful message from this survey is that funerals still matter deeply to Irish people. Wakes, months minds, graveside gatherings, 95 percent say these traditions remain important. In an age of fast communication and fragmented communities, the Irish funeral endures as one of the last places where neighbours, friends, and extended family still come together in person.</p><p>It is a testament to who we are: a people who show up, who stand together, who believe that every life deserves to be marked and remembered.</p><h3>Looking ahead</h3><p>As RIP.ie enters its third decade, these findings will help guide our work, from supporting families in grief to shaping national conversations about how we honour the dead. They also remind us that while customs may evolve, the heart of the Irish funeral remains unchanged: community, compassion, and the simple act of being there.</p><p>In listening to thousands of voices across the country, one truth became clear. How we say goodbye says everything about how we live. And in Ireland, we still choose to live, and grieve, together.</p><p> </p>

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What Ireland Really Thinks About Funerals, And What That Says About Us

<p>Funerals are emotional, often overwhelming days – full of people trying their best to say the right thing. But in between the hugs and kind words, there’s often a quiet undercurrent of curiosity or confusion. People want to help, be respectful, and not put a foot wrong… but they also have questions.</p><p>Here are some of the most common ones I hear – and a little guidance for anyone wondering the same.</p><h4><strong>1. Is it okay to wear colour?</strong></h4><p>Yes – if the family has indicated it. Many now ask for bright colours or something cheerful to reflect the person’s personality. But if nothing is stated, you can’t go wrong with classic, smart, neutral tones. When in doubt, understated is safest. Read more about <a href="https://rip.ie/grief-and-bereavement-support/what-to-wear-to-a-funeral-and-what-not-to-210">what to wear to funerals here</a>. </p><h4><strong>2. Should I go to the wake, the funeral, or both?</strong></h4><p>Do what feels appropriate based on your relationship. Close friends and family often attend both. Acquaintances or former colleagues may choose one or the other. If you can’t go at all, <a href="https://shop.rip.ie/ecc/products.php?cat=4">sending a card</a>, flowers, or a message of support is still appreciated.</p><h4><strong>3. Can I bring my kids?</strong></h4><p>Unless they are close family, it’s usually best not to. Wakes and funerals can be long, emotionally charged, and overwhelming for little ones – and the last thing anyone needs is extra distraction. Of course, if they're directly related or the family has welcomed it, that’s different. But otherwise, it’s better not to bring them.</p><h4><strong>4. Where should I sit?</strong></h4><p>The front rows are generally reserved for close family. If you're not sure where to sit, choose somewhere towards the middle or back. It's always better to hang back than to accidentally take a seat meant for immediate family.</p><h4><strong>5. What should I say to the family?</strong></h4><p>A simple “I’m so sorry for your loss” is more than enough. You don’t need the<a href="https://rip.ie/grief-and-bereavement-support/common-irish-phrases-for-sympathy-cards-with-pronunciation-309"> perfect words</a>. Being there and showing up means more than you realise. Don’t ask too many questions. Just be present, kind, and gentle.</p><h4><strong>6. Is it okay to laugh or tell stories?</strong></h4><p>Absolutely – when the moment is right. Many families want to hear stories or fond memories. Funerals can be sad, but they can also be full of love, humour, and warmth. Read the room – if people are sharing memories, it’s okay to join in.</p><h4><strong>7. Can I take photos?</strong></h4><p>Only if you’re sure it’s appropriate – and never during the service itself. Some families ask for photos to remember who attended. Others find it intrusive. When in doubt, leave the phone in your bag and be fully present.</p><h4><strong>Final Thought</strong></h4><p>Grief is deeply personal, and every family will handle it differently. If you're attending a funeral, your respect and thoughtfulness will go a long way – even if you’re unsure of the “rules.”</p>

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Your Guide to Funeral Etiquette: What’s Okay and What’s Not

<p>It might sound morbid or overly organised – but pre-<a href="https://rip.ie/grief-and-bereavement-support/how-to-plan-your-own-funeral-206">planning your own funeral</a> is one of the most thoughtful, loving things you can do for your family. It's not about being pessimistic, and it certainly isn’t about being morbid. It's about easing the pressure on the people you love most, and helping ensure your life is marked in a way that feels true to you.</p><h4><strong>More and More People Are Doing It</strong></h4><p>Pre-planning is no longer unusual. In fact, it's becoming increasingly common – and it's now a service offered by many funeral homes and planners like myself. Some people just want to jot down a few preferences; others like to map out the whole thing, from the format of the service to the flowers and songs. Either way, it’s about giving your family a gentle guide for when the time comes.</p><h4><strong>It Doesn’t Have to Be Set in Stone</strong></h4><p>Planning doesn’t mean deciding the exact canapés or locking in a venue. It can be as light-touch or detailed as you like. You might simply want to state whether you'd prefer to be buried or <a href="https://rip.ie/grief-and-bereavement-support/7-thoughtful-things-to-do-with-ashes-209">cremated</a>, if you’d like a religious or non-religious ceremony, or if there’s a particular piece of <a href="https://rip.ie/grief-and-bereavement-support/8-irish-songs-that-bring-comfort-after-loss-308">music</a> or <a href="https://rip.ie/grief-and-bereavement-support/irish-poetry-for-farewell-lines-that-comfort-315">poem</a> that means something to you. Want your guests to wear bright colours or play your favourite feel-good anthem? Pop it on the list.</p><h4><strong>It’s Not Just About the Funeral</strong></h4><p>You might want a wake at home, a toast in your favourite pub, or a tree planted in your memory. These small personal touches – music, flowers, photos, stories – are the bits that stay with people. Leaving a few ideas gives your family something to work with and makes the whole experience feel more personal and uplifting.</p><h4><strong>It Helps Avoid Family Conflict</strong></h4><p>Even the closest families can disagree when emotions are high. One person might want a traditional ceremony; another, something more modern. Leaving a few wishes – even if you write, “This is what I’d like, but please do what feels right” – can ease tension and offer gentle guidance at a difficult time.</p><h4><strong>It Doesn’t Need to Be Formal or Expensive</strong></h4><p>You don’t have to pay for a funeral in advance (though some people choose to). It could be a note in a drawer, a message to a loved one, or a few details saved on your phone. The important thing is that someone close to you knows it exists.</p><h4><strong>You’re Not Tempting Fate</strong></h4><p>Writing down your wishes doesn’t make anything more likely to happen. What it does do is offer clarity and comfort when things are uncertain. People often feel a surprising sense of peace once it’s done.</p><h4><strong>In Short</strong></h4><p>Pre-planning isn’t gloomy – it’s generous. You’re leaving behind something practical, personal and full of love. Whether it’s a full plan or a few favourite songs scribbled on the back of an envelope, it’s a gift your family will never forget.</p>

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Should You Pre-Plan Your Funeral? Why It’s a Loving Choice

<p>Visiting a graveyard in Ireland, whether for a funeral, a Month’s Mind, or simply to pay respects, comes with traditions that reflect our deep sense of community and respect for the dead. While customs vary, there are some common courtesies to keep in mind. </p><h3><strong>Do’s</strong></h3><p><strong>1. Dress Respectfully</strong></p><p>Black or dark colours are traditional, but neat and modest attire is what matters most. </p><p><strong>2. Offer Condolences</strong></p><p>A quiet word to the family goes a long way. In Ireland, it’s common to shake hands and say something simple like <i>“I’m so sorry for your loss.”</i></p><p><strong>3. Participate in Traditions</strong></p><p>In rural areas, it’s not unusual for a shovel to be passed around after the coffin is lowered. Men, though increasingly women too, will throw in a couple of shovels of earth, helping to fill the grave. It’s seen as a final act of respect and solidarity.</p><p><strong>4. Keep Voices Low</strong></p><p>Graveyards are places of reflection. Save conversations for outside the cemetery gates or the funeral home.</p><p><strong>5. Bring Flowers Thoughtfully</strong></p><p>Fresh flowers are welcome, but avoid leaving excessive arrangements that may be hard for the family to manage later.</p><p> </p><h3><strong>Don’ts</strong></h3><p><strong>1. Don’t Rush Away</strong></p><p>Even if you didn’t know the deceased well, staying for a few minutes shows respect. In rural Ireland, lingering for a chat after the burial is part of the tradition.</p><p><strong>2. Don’t Block Access</strong></p><p>Park carefully, especially in small country graveyards where space is tight.</p><p><strong>3. Don’t Take Photos Without Permission</strong></p><p>It’s considered intrusive unless the family requests it for memory purposes.</p><p><strong>4. Don’t Ignore Local Customs</strong></p><p>City funerals tend to be more structured, with professional grave diggers completing the burial. In rural areas, community involvement is expected, so follow the lead of locals.</p><h3><strong>Why Etiquette Matters</strong></h3><p>These customs aren’t just rules; they’re acts of care. They show respect for the deceased and support for the grieving family, keeping alive the sense of community that defines Irish life.</p><h3><strong>Related Reading:</strong><br /><a href="https://rip.ie/grief-and-bereavement-support/lighting-a-candle-for-the-departed-irish-customs-explained-316">Lighting a Candle for the Departed – Irish Customs Explained</a></h3>

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Graveyard Etiquette in Ireland: Do’s and Don’ts

<p>When someone dies, even the smallest decisions can feel overwhelming. Figuring out what to wear to the funeral is one of them. While tradition still holds in many places—especially in Ireland—funeral attire has evolved. It’s no longer just about black suits and veils. It’s about respect, thoughtfulness, and a quiet nod to the person you’re honouring.</p><p>Here’s what to consider when choosing what to wear to a funeral.</p><h3>Think Understated and Respectful</h3><p>Black is always a safe choice, but it’s not compulsory. Charcoal, navy, dark green, burgundy, or neutral tones are equally appropriate. Avoid bright patterns or bold fashion statements unless the family has asked for something specific.</p><h3>Consider Your Relationship to the Family</h3><p>There’s no one-size-fits-all approach. If you're part of the immediate family or a close friend, you may choose to reflect the personality of the person who has passed—wearing colour, sparkle, or something they loved.</p><p>But if you’re an acquaintance or work colleague, it’s best to err on the side of tradition unless the family has made a specific request.</p><h3>Be Led by the Family</h3><p>Many families aim to honour their loved one’s memory in a meaningful way. Some may ask guests to wear colour, something joyful, or even team colours. If that’s the tone they’re setting, go with it. If not, aim for understated and thoughtful.</p><h3>Dress for the Setting</h3><p>Church, crematorium, hotel, garden, or graveside—each comes with its own considerations. For outdoor services, think warm layers, waterproofs, and shoes that won’t sink in wet grass. If the service is religious or formal, lean into that when choosing your outfit.</p><h3>You Don’t Have to Be Fashionable—But You Can Still Feel Like Yourself</h3><p>A simple dress, tailored trousers, a smart coat or blazer. Clean, polished, and understated is the way to go. Avoid anything overly casual, loud, revealing, or distressed. Looking put together is a quiet show of care.</p><h3>What About Children?</h3><p>If you’re bringing little ones, dress them in smart, comfortable clothes. Nothing too formal or black is needed. Muted colours and simple outfits work well.</p><p>That said, it’s worth considering whether young children need to be there at all. Unless they’re part of the immediate family, or you’ve no alternative, it’s often more respectful—and less stressful for you—to leave them at home.</p><h3>Zoë’s Note</h3><p>There’s no dress code set in stone. Just focus on being respectful, present, and guided by the tone the family has set. If you're there, you're doing the right thing—and that's what really matters.</p>

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What to Wear to a Funeral (and What Not To)

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Topic: Funeral Etiquette