Should You Pre-Plan Your Funeral? Why It’s a Loving Choice

It might sound morbid or overly organised – but pre-planning your own funeral is one of the most thoughtful, loving things you can do for your family. It's not about being pessimistic, and it certainly isn’t about being morbid. It's about easing the pressure on the people you love most, and helping ensure your life is marked in a way that feels true to you.

More and More People Are Doing It

Pre-planning is no longer unusual. In fact, it's becoming increasingly common – and it's now a service offered by many funeral homes and planners like myself. Some people just want to jot down a few preferences; others like to map out the whole thing, from the format of the service to the flowers and songs. Either way, it’s about giving your family a gentle guide for when the time comes.

It Doesn’t Have to Be Set in Stone

Planning doesn’t mean deciding the exact canapés or locking in a venue. It can be as light-touch or detailed as you like. You might simply want to state whether you'd prefer to be buried or cremated, if you’d like a religious or non-religious ceremony, or if there’s a particular piece of music or poem that means something to you. Want your guests to wear bright colours or play your favourite feel-good anthem? Pop it on the list.

It’s Not Just About the Funeral

You might want a wake at home, a toast in your favourite pub, or a tree planted in your memory. These small personal touches – music, flowers, photos, stories – are the bits that stay with people. Leaving a few ideas gives your family something to work with and makes the whole experience feel more personal and uplifting.

It Helps Avoid Family Conflict

Even the closest families can disagree when emotions are high. One person might want a traditional ceremony; another, something more modern. Leaving a few wishes – even if you write, “This is what I’d like, but please do what feels right” – can ease tension and offer gentle guidance at a difficult time.

It Doesn’t Need to Be Formal or Expensive

You don’t have to pay for a funeral in advance (though some people choose to). It could be a note in a drawer, a message to a loved one, or a few details saved on your phone. The important thing is that someone close to you knows it exists.

You’re Not Tempting Fate

Writing down your wishes doesn’t make anything more likely to happen. What it does do is offer clarity and comfort when things are uncertain. People often feel a surprising sense of peace once it’s done.

In Short

Pre-planning isn’t gloomy – it’s generous. You’re leaving behind something practical, personal and full of love. Whether it’s a full plan or a few favourite songs scribbled on the back of an envelope, it’s a gift your family will never forget.