When someone you love dies, planning a wake can feel like one more impossible task. Did they want a wake? Should it be an open or closed casket? Will it be at home or in the funeral home?It’s worth remembering that you don’t have to have a wake at all. But if you do, it doesn’t need to be perfect. It just needs to feel personal, comforting, and manageable.Here are five common mistakes to gently sidestep.<h3>1. Trying to Do It All Yourself</h3>You need space to grieve, not to stress about chairs, catering, and whether the kettle’s boiled. Accept help, even if you don’t yet know what you need. Draft in friends, lean on your funeral director, or ask someone to coordinate the house or venue so you can simply be present.<h3>2. Misjudging the Space</h3>Count likely visitors, even though <a href="https://rip.ie/grief-and-bereavement-support/how-to-estimate-guest-numbers-at-a-funeral-or-wake-208">gauging numbers is one of the hardest things to do</a>. If the crowd is mostly older, make sure there’s enough seating.If there’s a casket, it should be placed at an angle, giving guests the option to approach and pay their respects or not, without pressure. Avoid placing it in a way that causes bottlenecks; guests should be able to move easily in and out of the space.<h3>3. Under- or Over-Catering</h3>Wakes are long, emotional days. Guests will need something, but the family often forgets to eat at all.Provide simple food for visitors, but also plan a proper meal for the immediate family that can be heated once the house is quiet. It’s a small gesture that makes a big difference.<h3>4. Letting the Atmosphere Go Unshaped</h3>The best wakes strike a balance; respectful, but not somber. Choose music you know they’d have loved, not what feels “funeral-ish.” Create warmth with a few candles, photos, or flowers. It doesn’t have to be fussy. It just needs to feel like them.<h3>5. Skipping the Practical Bits</h3>Bins, loo roll, signage, pets underfoot, coat racks — tiny things, but they’ll catch you out. Walk through the day in your head. What will people need? What will you need?A short checklist on the fridge can save a lot of fluster. Also, don’t forget to state a finish time. It doesn’t need to be rigid, but it gives people a sense of structure and gives you permission to start winding down when you need to.You don’t have to host a flawless event. You just need to create a space where people feel looked after, loved, and close to the person they’re saying goodbye to.

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5 Mistakes to Avoid When Planning a Wake

When someone dies, even the smallest decisions can feel overwhelming. Figuring out what to wear to the funeral is one of them. While tradition still holds in many places—especially in Ireland—funeral attire has evolved. It’s no longer just about black suits and veils. It’s about respect, thoughtfulness, and a quiet nod to the person you’re honouring.Here’s what to consider when choosing what to wear to a funeral.<h3>Think Understated and Respectful</h3>Black is always a safe choice, but it’s not compulsory. Charcoal, navy, dark green, burgundy, or neutral tones are equally appropriate. Avoid bright patterns or bold fashion statements unless the family has asked for something specific.<h3>Consider Your Relationship to the Family</h3>There’s no one-size-fits-all approach. If you're part of the immediate family or a close friend, you may choose to reflect the personality of the person who has passed—wearing colour, sparkle, or something they loved.But if you’re an acquaintance or work colleague, it’s best to err on the side of tradition unless the family has made a specific request.<h3>Be Led by the Family</h3>Many families aim to honour their loved one’s memory in a meaningful way. Some may ask guests to wear colour, something joyful, or even team colours. If that’s the tone they’re setting, go with it. If not, aim for understated and thoughtful.<h3>Dress for the Setting</h3>Church, crematorium, hotel, garden, or graveside—each comes with its own considerations. For outdoor services, think warm layers, waterproofs, and shoes that won’t sink in wet grass. If the service is religious or formal, lean into that when choosing your outfit.<h3>You Don’t Have to Be Fashionable—But You Can Still Feel Like Yourself</h3>A simple dress, tailored trousers, a smart coat or blazer. Clean, polished, and understated is the way to go. Avoid anything overly casual, loud, revealing, or distressed. Looking put together is a quiet show of care.<h3>What About Children?</h3>If you’re bringing little ones, dress them in smart, comfortable clothes. Nothing too formal or black is needed. Muted colours and simple outfits work well.That said, it’s worth considering whether young children need to be there at all. Unless they’re part of the immediate family, or you’ve no alternative, it’s often more respectful—and less stressful for you—to leave them at home.<h3>Zoë’s Note</h3>There’s no dress code set in stone. Just focus on being respectful, present, and guided by the tone the family has set. If you're there, you're doing the right thing—and that's what really matters.

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What to Wear to a Funeral (and What Not To)

Planning your own funeral might sound unusual, but it’s becoming more common — and for good reason. Many people are choosing to take control of their farewell, not out of morbidity, but to bring clarity, reduce stress for loved ones, and ensure the day reflects who they truly are.Whether you go it alone, work with a funeral director, or use a dedicated service like mine, here’s how to start planning a meaningful, personal send-off.<h3>1. Decide on the Tone and Format</h3>Would you prefer a:<ul><li>Traditional religious funeral</li><li>Civil ceremony</li><li>Celebration of life</li></ul>Think about the setting: indoors or outdoors? Quiet and reflective, or full of music and stories? Once you’ve chosen the tone, the rest of the planning becomes easier.<h3>2. Consider the Practicalities</h3>Ask yourself:<ul><li>Do you want a wake?</li><li>Should it be held at home or in a venue?</li><li>Would you like an open casket?</li><li>Is there a specific funeral director you’d like involved?</li></ul>These decisions are incredibly helpful for your family to know in advance.<h3>3. Choose Locations for Each Part of the Day</h3>Think about where you’d like:<ul><li>The ceremony to take place (church, civil venue, etc.)</li><li>Your final resting place (burial or cremation)</li><li>The gathering afterwards (hotel, pub, home)</li></ul>Each element can be tailored to your preferences.<h3>4. Add Personal Touches</h3>This is where your personality can shine:<ul><li>Favourite songs, singers, or readings</li><li>A colour theme or dress code</li><li>Personal tributes or a more low-key approach</li></ul>These details make the service feel unmistakably “you.”<h3>5. Plan the Food and Format of the Gathering</h3>After the ceremony, what kind of gathering would you like?<ul><li>Tea and sandwiches</li><li>A pub lunch</li><li>A seated three-course meal</li><li>Canapés and champagne</li></ul>There’s no wrong answer — just what feels right for you.<h3>6. Document Your Wishes Clearly</h3>Don’t rely on memory or casual conversations. Write down your plan in a way that’s easy to find and understand:<ul><li>A formal document</li><li>A letter to your next of kin</li><li>A note held with your solicitor</li></ul>Most importantly, let your loved ones know you’ve made a plan — and where to find it.<h3>7. Consider Payment and Costs</h3>Would you like to:<ul><li>Pre-pay for any part of the funeral or gathering?</li><li>Set aside funds?</li><li>Leave it to your family to cover costs?</li></ul>If you’ve made financial arrangements (e.g. a funeral plan or savings), make sure the details are recorded and accessible. This helps avoid confusion and unexpected expenses.<h3>Final Thoughts</h3>Planning your own funeral is one of the kindest and most empowering things you can do — for yourself and the people you love. As I often say to my clients through The Funeral Planner, a beautiful, personal farewell isn’t just possible — it can be straightforward, stress-free, and even comforting to plan.

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How to Plan Your Own Funeral

Estimating how many people will attend a funeral or wake is one of the trickiest parts of planning. You might second-guess everything, from how well-known the person was, to how far people will travel, or whether a weekday funeral will impact turnout.While you’ll never get an exact number, here are a few key factors to help guide your thinking. These tips will help you plan for food, space, and a smooth flow to the day.<h3>1. Age, Life Stage, and Social Connections</h3>An older person who’s outlived many friends may draw a smaller crowd than someone younger or recently retired. However, those involved in clubs, sports, or community groups often have multiple social circles—and they add up quickly.<h3>2. Size of the Family</h3>A large family means a bigger guest list before you even consider friends. In-laws, cousins, adult children’s partners, and their families can quickly increase numbers.<h3>3. How Well-Known Were They and How Public Was the Passing?</h3>If the deceased or their immediate family are well connected, expect a larger turnout. People often attend to support the bereaved as much as to honour the person who died. A widely shared death notice can also increase attendance.<h3>4. Cultural Expectations and Traditions</h3>In some families, especially in rural Ireland, a wake is non-negotiable, and entire communities turn up. In others, funerals are more private. When in doubt, ask someone close who understands the wider social expectations.<h3>5. Venue, Time, and Location</h3>A city-centre service at rush hour might put some people off. A weekday funeral may limit attendance slightly, while a weekend or evening wake makes it easier for others to attend. Location always plays a role.<h3>Still Unsure? Round Up</h3>It’s far better to have extra chairs and too many sandwiches than guests standing in the hall or nothing left to offer. If space is tight, staggered attendance can work—especially at home.You won’t guess it perfectly, no one does, but with some thought and the right support, you can plan with confidence and kindness.

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How to Estimate Guest Numbers at a Funeral or Wake

<h3>Publish a Death Notice for a Funeral Abroad</h3>If a loved one dies abroad and no Irish-based funeral director is involved, RIP.ie can still publish the death notice for you.To do so, we require proof that the death has occurred before the notice can be published. Accepted forms of proof include:<ul><li>A copy of the death certificate</li><li>A copy of the cremation certificate</li><li>A link to the notice on the funeral director’s website</li><li>An email from the funeral director abroad confirming they are handling the arrangements</li></ul><h3>Admin Fee</h3>There is an administration fee of €100 (incl. VAT) for notices where the funeral is not being arranged by an Irish-based funeral director.<h3>How to Submit a Death Notice</h3>To proceed with publishing the notice:<ol><li>Send proof of death, the wording for the notice, and a photo to info@rip.ie</li><li>Once verified, we will send you an invoice which can be paid online</li><li>Upon receipt of payment, the notice will be published and a link sent to you</li></ol><h3>Important Note</h3>All death notices published on RIP.ie must be associated with a county in Ireland, even if the funeral is taking place abroad.

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How to Publish a Death Notice for a Funeral Abroad on RIP.ie

<h3>A Practical Guide from RIP.ie</h3>Whether a death is anticipated or unexpected, it is a very difficult time for those close to the deceased. It is also a time when many decisions need to be made, often very soon after the death, which can cause considerable stress.This practical guide offers a step-by-step overview of the tasks you may need to manage. Not all points will apply to every situation, but many will. If the deceased left instructions regarding funeral preferences or a list of people to notify, your job will be easier. If not, you may need to consult family members and check address books or contact lists.<h3>Immediate Steps</h3><ul><li>Contact the next of kin, especially those abroad.</li><li>If a doctor is not present, contact one to obtain a death certificate.</li><li>In cases of sudden or unusual death, do not move anything until the doctor arrives.</li><li>Inform the doctor immediately if the deceased held an organ donor card.</li><li>Locate burial instructions or last wishes.</li><li>If the death occurs at home, contact the Gardaí.</li><li>Notify close friends, relatives, neighbours, employer and colleagues.</li></ul><h3>Notify Key Contacts</h3>In the days following the death, you may need to contact:<ul><li>State authorities (e.g. pension or social welfare offices)</li><li>Insurance agencies and financial institutions</li><li>The deceased’s solicitor</li></ul><h3>Funeral Arrangements</h3><ul><li>Contact a funeral director for support.</li><li>Confirm if a burial plot exists and its location.</li><li>Agree on wake details and location.</li><li>Decide if the body will be on view (open or closed coffin).</li><li>Clarify if the house is private or open to mourners.</li><li>Set the date, time and location of services.</li><li>Write the death notice.</li><li>Choose coffin, casket or pod (for burial).</li><li>Decide on ashes scattering or container (for cremation).</li><li>Choose flowers or charitable donations (mention in death notice).</li><li>Plan prayers, readings, music and structure of the service.</li><li>Ask those involved in the service well in advance.</li><li>Arrange refreshments and book a venue.</li></ul><h3>Cancel or Redirect Services</h3>You may need to cancel or redirect:<ul><li>Standing orders</li><li>Newspaper and journal subscriptions</li><li>Milk or coal deliveries</li><li>Telephone and broadband</li><li>Mobile phone</li><li>Bin collection</li><li>Rent</li><li>TV and radio licence</li><li>Postal services</li></ul><h3>Special Burial Requests</h3><ul><li>For natural or woodland burials, contact organisations like <a href="https://www.greengraveyard.com/">The Green Graveyard Company</a> in Killane, Co. Wexford.</li><li>For religious ceremonies, contact the appropriate religious advisor.</li><li>For non-religious ceremonies, contact the <a href="https://www.greengraveyard.com/">Humanist Association of Ireland.</a></li></ul><h3>Secure the Home</h3>Arrange for someone trustworthy to look after the house during the funeral to prevent burglary.<h3>Accept Help</h3>Keep track of those who offer help and thank them later. Tasks may include:<ul><li>Cleaning the house</li><li>Looking after children or elderly relatives</li><li>Watering plants</li><li>Caring for pets</li></ul><h3>Important Documents to Locate</h3><ul><li>Death certificate</li><li>Prepaid funeral plans or burial plot documents</li><li>Will and trusts</li><li>Life insurance policies</li><li>Pension and retirement plans</li><li>Investment accounts</li><li>Credit card and bank statements</li><li>Marriage, birth, divorce certificates</li><li>Business ownership documents</li><li>Title deeds for property or vehicles</li><li>Health insurance</li><li>Tax returns</li><li>Safe deposit keys</li></ul><h3>Inventory of Belongings</h3>Make a list of household goods, valuables and personal items for proper distribution.<h3>Settling the Estate</h3><ul><li>If there is a will, the executor named will manage the estate.</li><li>If there is no will, the law will appoint a representative—usually a spouse or adult child.</li><li>Contact financial advisors, solicitors or accountants to check for urgent matters.</li></ul>

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A Practical Guide After a Death – Checklist from RIP.ie

<h3>Poems &amp; Verse</h3>A collection of poems and verses, popular in remembering loved ones.Whether you're planning a funeral, writing a tribute, or simply seeking comfort, poetry can offer a powerful way to express grief, love and remembrance. These verses have been chosen for their emotional resonance and their ability to speak to the heart during times of loss.Please ensure that you comply with all relevant copyright restrictions when sharing or reproducing any poem.<figure class="table"><table style="border-color:inherit;border-width:0px"><tbody><tr><td>A song of livingBecause I have loved life, I shall have no sorrow to die. I have sent up my gladness on wings, to be lost in the blue of the sky. I have run and leaped with the rain, I have taken the wind to my breast. My cheeks like a drowsy child to the face of the earth I have pressed. Because I have loved life, I shall have no sorrow to die.I have kissed young love on the lips, I have heard his song to the end, I have struck my hand like a seal in the loyal hand of a friend. I have known the peace of heaven, the comfort of work done well. I have longed for death in the darkness and risen alive out of hell. Because I have loved life, I shall have no sorrow to die.I gave a share of my soul to the world, when and where my course is run. I know that another shall finish the task I surely must leave undone. I know that no flower, nor flint was in vain on the path I trod. As one looks on a face through a window, through life I have looked on God, Because I have loved life, I shall have no sorrow to die.Amelia Josephine Burr</td></tr><tr><td>But not forgottenI think, no matter where you stray, That I shall go with you a way. Though you may wander sweeter lands, You will not soon forget my hands, Nor yet the way I held my head, Nor all the tremulous things I said. You still will see me, small and white And smiling, in the secret night, And feel my arms about you when The day comes fluttering back again. I think, no matter where you be, You'll hold me in your memory And keep my image, there without me, By telling later loves about me.Dorothy Parker</td></tr><tr><td>Death is nothing at allDeath is nothing at all I have only slipped away to the next room I am I and you are you Whatever we were to each other That, we still areCall me by my old familiar name Speak to me in the easy way which you always used Put no difference into your tone. Wear no forced air of solemnity or sorrowLaugh as we always laughed at the little jokes we enjoyed together. Play, smile, think of me. Pray for me. Let my name be ever the household word that it always was Let it be spoken without effect Without the trace of a shadow on itLife means all that it ever meant It is the same that it ever was There is absolute unbroken continuity Why should I be out of mind because I am out of sight?I am but waiting for you For an interval Somewhere. Very near Just around the cornerAll is well.Henry Scott Holland</td></tr><tr><td>Do not stand at my grave and weepDo not stand at my grave and weep, I am not there, I do not sleep. I am in a thousand winds that blow, I am the softly falling snow.I am the gentle showers of rain, I am the fields of ripening grain. I am in the morning hush, I am in the graceful rush.Of beautiful birds in circling flight, I am the starshine of the night. I am in the flowers that bloom, I am in a quiet room.I am in the birds that sing, I am in each lovely thing. Do not stand at my grave and cry, I am not there. I do not die.Mary Frye</td></tr><tr><td>FarewellFarewell to thee! but not farewell To all my fondest thoughts of thee: Within my heart they still shall dwell; And they shall cheer and comfort me.O, beautiful, and full of grace! If thou hadst never met mine eye, I had not dreamed a living face Could fancied charms so far outvie.If I may ne’er behold again That form and face so dear to me, Nor hear thy voice, still would I fain Preserve, for aye, their memory.That voice, the magic of whose tone Can wake an echo in my breast, Creating feelings that, alone, Can make my tranced spirit blest.That laughing eye, whose sunny beam My memory would not cherish less; - And oh, that smile! whose joyous gleam Nor mortal language can express.Adieu, but let me cherish, still, The hope with which I cannot part. Contempt may wound, and coldness chill, But still it lingers in my heart.And who can tell but Heaven, at last, May answer all my thousand prayers, And bid the future pay the past With joy for anguish, smiles for tears?Anne Bronte</td></tr><tr><td>Farewell my FriendIt was beautiful as long as it lasted The journey of my life. I have no regrets whatsoever save the pain I’ll leave behind.Those dear hearts who love and care. And the strings pulling at the heart and soul. The strong arms that held me up When my own strength let me down.At every turning of my life I came across good friends, Friends who stood by me, Even when the time raced me by.Farewell, farewell my friends I smile and bid you goodbye.No, shed no tears for I need them not All I need is your smile.If you feel sad do think of me for that’s what I’ll like when you live in the hearts of those you love, remember then you never die.Rabindranath Tagore</td></tr><tr><td>Footprints in the SandOne night I had a dream I dreamed I was walking along the beach with the Lord, and Across the sky flashed scenes from my life. For each scene I noticed two sets of footprints in the sand; One belonged to me, and the other to the Lord. When the last scene of my life flashed before us, I looked back at the footprints in the sand. I noticed that many times along the path of my life, There was only one set of footprints. I also noticed that it happened at the very lowest and saddest times in my life This really bothered me, and I questioned the Lord about it. “Lord, you said that once I decided to follow you, You would walk with me all the way; But I have noticed that during the most troublesome times in my life, There is only one set of footprints. I don’t understand why in times when I needed you the most, you should leave me. The Lord replied, “My precious, precious child. I love you, and I would never, never leave you during your times of trial and suffering. When you saw only one set of footprints, It was then that I carried you.”Anon</td></tr><tr><td>Funeral Blues Stop all the clocks, cut off the telephone, Prevent the dog from barking with a juicy bone, Silence the pianos and with muffled drum Bring out the coffin, let the mourners come. Let aeroplanes circle moaning overhead Scribbling on the sky the message He is Dead. Put crepe bows round the white necks of the public doves, Let the traffic policemen wear black cotton gloves. He was my North, my South, my East and West, My working week and my Sunday rest, My noon, my midnight, my talk, my song; I thought that love would last forever: I was wrong. The stars are not wanted now; put out every one, Pack up the moon and dismantle the sun, Pour away the ocean and sweep up the woods; For nothing now can ever come to any good.W.H. Auden</td></tr><tr><td>His journey’s just begunDon’t think of him as gone away– his journey’s just begun life holds so many facets this earth is only one.Just think of him as resting from the sorrows and the tears in a place of warmth and comfort where there are no days and years.Think how he must be wishing that we could know today how nothing but our sadness can really pass away.And think of him as living in the hearts of those he touched… for nothing loved is ever lost– and he was loved so much.Ellen Brenneman</td></tr><tr><td>I Measure Every Grief I MeetI measure every grief I meet With analytic eyes; I wonder if it weighs like mine, Or has an easier size.I wonder if they bore it long, Or did it just begin? I could not tell the date of mine, It feels so old a pain.I wonder if it hurts to live, And if they have to try, And whether, could they choose between, They would not rather die.I wonder if when years have piled-- Some thousands--on the cause Of early hurt, if such a lapse Could give them any pause;Or would they go on aching still Through centuries above, Enlightened to a larger pain By contrast with the love.Emily Dickinson </td></tr><tr><td>In Heavenly Love Abiding In Heavenly love abiding, no change my heart shall fear And safe in such confiding, for nothing changes here The storm may roar without me, my heart may low be laid But God is round about me...and can I be dismayed? Whever He may guide me, no want shall turn me back My Shepherd is beside me and nothing can I lack His wisdom ever walking, His sight is never dim He knows the way He's talking, and I will walk with Him Green pastures are before me, which yet I have not seen Bright skies will soon be over me, where darkest clouds have been My hope I cannot measure, my path to life is free My Saviour has my treasure, and He will walk with me. Anna Laetita Waring</td></tr><tr><td>I fall asleep in the full and certain hopeI fall asleep in the full and certain hope That my slumber shall not be broken; And that though I be all-forgetting, Yet shall I not be all-forgotten, But continue that life in the thoughts and deeds Of those I loved.Samuel Butler</td></tr><tr><td>The Pillar Of Cloud Lead, Kindly Light, amid the encircling gloom Lead Thou me on! The night is dark and I am far from home Lead Thou me on! Keep Thou my feet, I do not ask to see The distant scene, one step enough for me I was not ever thus, nor pray'd that Thou Shouldst lead me on I loved to choose and see my path, but now Lead me on! I loved the garish day, and, spite of fears Pride rulled my will, remember not past years So long Thy power hath blest me, sue it still Will lead me on, O'er moor and fen, o'er crag and torrent, till The night is gone And with the morn those Angel faces smile Which I have loved long since, and lost awhile. John Henry Newman </td></tr><tr><td>The dead they sleepThe dead they sleep a long, long sleep; The dead they rest, and their rest is deep; The dead have peace, but the living weep.Samuel Hoffenstein</td></tr><tr><td>Time will ease the HurtThe sadness of the present days is locked and set in time, and moving to the future is a slow and painful climb.But all the feelings that are now so vivid and so real can’t hold their fresh intensity as time begins to heal.No wound so deep will ever go entirely away yet every hurt becomes a little less from day to day.Nothing can erase the painful imprints on your mind but there are softer memories that time will let you find.Though your heart won’t let the sadness simply slide away the echoes will diminish even though the memories stayAnon</td></tr><tr><td>  What is dying?I am standing upon that foreshore, a ship at my side spreads her white sails to the morning breeze and starts for the blue ocean.She is an object of beauty and strength and I stand and watch her until at length she hangs like a speck of white cloud just where the sea and sky come down to mingle with each other. Then someone at my side says, “there! she’s gone!”“Gone where?” “Gone from my sight, that’s all”, she is just as large in mast and spar and hull as ever she was when she left my side; just as able to bear her load of living freight to the place of her destination. Her diminished size is in me, not in her.And just at that moment when someone at my side says, “there! she’s gone!” there are other eyes watching her coming and other voices ready to take up the glad shout, “here she comes!”And that is dying.Bishop Brent</td></tr><tr><td>When a man knows God"When a man knows God, he is free: his sorrows have an end, and birth and death are no more. When in inner union he is beyond the world of the body, then the third world, the world of the Spirit, is found, where the power of the All is, and man has all: for he is one with the ONE."Svetasvatara Upanishad </td></tr><tr><td>When I am Dead, My Dearest  When I am dead, my dearest,  Sing no sad songs for me;  Plant thou no roses at my head,  Nor shady cypress tree:  Be the green grass above me  With showers and dewdrops wet;  And if thou wilt, remember,  And if thou wilt, forget.  I shall not see the shadows,  I shall not feel the rain;  I shall not hear the nightingale  Sing on, as if in pain:  And dreaming through the twilight  That doth not rise nor set,  Haply I may remember,  And haply may forget. Christina Georgina Rossetti </td></tr><tr><td>When I dieWhen my coffin is being taken out you must never think I am missing this worldDon't shed any tears Don't lament or Feel sorry I'm not falling Into a monster's abyssWhen you see My corpse is being carried Don't cry for my leaving I'm not leaving I'm arriving at eternal loveWhen you leave me In the grave Don't say goodbye Remember a grave is Only a curtain For the paradise behindYou'll only see me Descending into a grave Now watch me rise How can there be an end When the sun sets or The moon goes downIt looks like the end It seems like a sunset But in reality it is a dawn When the grave locks you up That is when your soul is freedHave you ever seen A seed fallen to earth Not rise with a new life Why should you doubt the rise Of a seed named humanHave you ever seen A bucket lowered into a well Coming back empty Why lament for a soul When it can come back Like Joseph from the wellWhen for the last time You close your mouth Your words and soul Will belong to the world of No place no time Rumi, ghazal number 911, translated by Nader Khalili</td></tr></tbody></table></figure>

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Poems and Verses for Remembering Loved Ones – RIP.ie

<h3>Irish Association of Funeral Directors (IAFD)</h3><figure class="image"><img src="https://img-dedicated.rip.ie/IAFD_logo_3_040353d2bf37b290dfb50635454802c53990f577f454a4fe.png" /></figure>The Irish Association of Funeral Directors (IAFD) was established in 1979 to promote excellence in funeral directing and foster cooperation among its members. Today, IAFD members conduct approximately 80% of funerals across the island of Ireland.The Association is regularly consulted by government bodies, local authorities, media, interest groups and the public on matters relating to funerals and bereavement.<h3>Commitment to Quality Standards</h3>All IAFD members must adhere to a Code of Practice and the IAFD Quality Standard, which is aligned with the European Standard for Funeral Services. Members are independently audited to ensure compliance.When choosing a funeral director, RIP.ie recommends selecting an IAFD member in your area to ensure professional, compassionate service.<h3>Find an IAFD Member</h3>You can search for your local IAFD member using the official directory:🔗<a href="https://www.iafd.ie/members"> Find your local IAFD member</a><h2>Contact the IAFD</h2><ul><li>Email: enquiries@iafd.ie</li><li>Telephone: +353 (0) 818 935000</li><li>Website: <a href="https://www.iafd.ie/">www.iafd.ie</a></li></ul>

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Irish Association of Funeral Directors (IAFD) – Supporting Standards in Funeral Care

Certain customs and traditions surround death in Ireland. Here you can read about Irish Wakes.<h3>The Irish Wake</h3>The Irish Wake is perhaps one of the best-known funeral traditions associated with Ireland. The Wake, the glorious send-off of departed loved ones, is a prominent feature of Irish funeral traditions, but is seen less and less often in modern Ireland and is now almost unknown in the cities. In many country areas, however, the practice of watching over the recently deceased from the time of death to burial is still followed and remains an important part of the grieving process.<h3>Origins of the Wake</h3>The origin of the wake may date back to the ancient Jewish custom of leaving the sepulchre of a recently departed relative unsealed for three days, during which time family members would visit in the hope of seeing signs of life.A more recent, though likely mythical, explanation is that the tradition arose due to lead poisoning from pewter tankards used to drink stout. This could cause a catatonic state resembling death, from which the sufferer might recover after a few hours or days.<h3>Purpose and Meaning</h3>Regardless of its origins, the wake offers comfort to those grieving, providing a chance to say goodbye, celebrate the life of the deceased, and mark their final departure from home. It is a scene of both sadness and joy, where memories are shared and the life lived is honoured.<h2>Where Is a Wake Held?</h2>A wake is usually held in the deceased’s home or the home of a close relative. In cities, it is increasingly common for a ‘viewing’ to take place at a funeral home. The death notice will typically say “reposing at…” followed by the address.During a wake, the location is often evident by the number of cars outside and people gathered at the door.<h2>Who Attends a Wake?</h2>Anyone who knew the deceased or their family may attend a wake—no invitation is needed. Attendees typically include family, neighbours, friends, colleagues, and acquaintances. If the notice says “house private,” the wake is limited to immediate family and invited guests.Children usually do not attend unless they are close relatives.Men often visit late at night and sit with the body, allowing the family to rest.<h2>Atmosphere and Dress Code</h2>The atmosphere is respectful, with both laughter and tears as stories are shared. Dress conservatively and avoid bright colours.<h2>What to Do When You Enter the Wake House</h2>You’ll be greeted by a family member or someone close to the family who will guide you to the body. Shake hands and offer condolences.Expect to see people drinking tea, eating sandwiches and chatting—even in the room where the body is laid out. The body is typically in a coffin, with close family nearby. Shake hands, offer condolences, and take a moment to view the body. You may say a prayer, touch the hands or head, or sprinkle holy water.After meeting the family, it’s customary to sit and chat. You’ll likely be offered tea. Alcohol is less common today.Stay for 10 minutes to several hours, depending on your relationship with the family. Close neighbours often help with kitchen duties or other tasks.<h2>What to Bring to a Wake</h2>Nothing is required, but many bring a condolence card to place near the coffin. If you know the family well, bringing sandwiches, cakes, or biscuits is appreciated. Neighbours may also lend chairs, crockery, or teapots.<h2>When to Attend a Wake</h2>If you’re not a close relative or friend, the usual time to attend is between 5pm and 8pm. Wakes may continue through the night, with close friends and neighbours sitting with the body. If you’re there near the time of removal, leave early to give the family time for final goodbyes.Sign the Guest Book if present.<h2>What You’ll See at a Wake or Viewing</h2>The body is usually visible in an open coffin, dressed in best clothes and covered with a shroud from the chest down. If disfigured, the coffin will be closed.Curtains are typically drawn, with one window left open in the room. Mirrors may be covered or turned to the wall.<h2>A Tradition of Remembrance</h2>The Irish Wake represents a deeply rooted cultural tradition, blending respect, reverence, and remembrance with communal support. Though less common in urban settings, it remains a meaningful farewell, celebrating life and fostering healing. By preserving such customs, Ireland honours its heritage and the enduring power of collective grieving.

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Customs and Traditions of an Irish Wake

<h3>Funeral Mass &amp; Service Readings &amp; Formats</h3>A collection of readings and formats—both religious and non-religious—commonly used in funeral services to honour and remember loved ones.Please ensure that any readings, quotes or extracts used are properly attributed to their original authors.<h3>The Funeral Mass</h3>You can access a comprehensive Funeral Mass Template, courtesy of Fr. Pat Rogers CP, Mount Argus Church, Dublin. This printable resource includes suggested readings, hymns, and service structure.<a href="Explore religious and non-religious funeral service formats, including Catholic, Church of Ireland, and Humanist ceremonies. Access templates, readings, and guidance for planning a meaningful farewell.">Click here</a> to view the Funeral Mass Template With thanks to Fr. Pat Rogers CP for his generous contribution.<h2>Church of Ireland Funeral Service</h2>Church of Ireland funerals follow the Book of Common Prayer (2004). The most commonly used format is Funeral Service 2, which includes the full service structure and additional options.<a href="https://img-dedicated.rip.ie/Funeral_Service_CoI_e2dd45694e2df7e6148253f2eaac29ff8bce75b7b2e24da1.pdf">Click here </a>to view Funeral Service 2 Source: Church of Ireland websiteAt a Church of Ireland funeral:<ul><li>Attendees usually receive a copy of the prayerbook with the generic service.</li><li>A personalised funeral booklet (optional) may include hymn lyrics and reading details.</li><li>Services typically feature 3–4 hymns, sung by the congregation and choir.</li><li>The service often concludes with the Nunc Dimittis.</li></ul>With thanks to Brigitte Nelson, Co-Editor of the Dundalk Group of Parishes Newsletter, for her insights.<h2>Humanist Funeral Service</h2>Humanist funerals are individually composed in consultation with the family and offer a non-religious alternative focused on personal values and memories.Visit<a href="https://www.humanism.ie/"> Humanism.ie</a> for more information<ul><li>Celebrants work closely with families to create a meaningful ceremony.</li><li>Contact details for celebrants are available on the Humanist Association of Ireland website.</li><li>All enquiries are handled with sensitivity and care.</li></ul>With thanks to Brian Whiteside, Director of Ceremonies – Humanist Association of Ireland.

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Funeral Mass and Service Readings – Formats and Resources

<h3>Publish a Death Notice</h3>To publish a death notice on RIP.ie, simply ask your funeral director to do so. This is a free service for bereaved families, and all funeral directors in Ireland have secure access to RIP.ie for publishing notices related to funerals they are undertaking.<h2>Funerals Abroad</h2>If the funeral is taking place outside Ireland, the family can contact RIP.ie directly. We will liaise with the funeral director abroad to verify the details and arrange publication.<h3>Notices Must Be Submitted by Funeral Directors</h3>Due to the sensitive nature of the information published on RIP.ie:<ul><li>We cannot accept notices directly from the public</li><li>We cannot make changes to a notice once published—only the funeral director who submitted it can request edits</li></ul>The only way to guarantee that a notice appears on RIP.ie is for the funeral director to publish it.<h3>Searching Death Notices</h3>All notices published on RIP.ie are archived and searchable. You can find a notice by entering:<ul><li>Surname</li><li>County</li><li>Town</li><li>Date range</li></ul>Our archive dates back to July 2006, and the only information available is what is published on the site.

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How to Publish a Death Notice on RIP.ie

<h3>Purchasing a Headstone</h3>Choosing a headstone is a deeply personal decision and an important part of honouring a loved one’s memory. This guide outlines everything you need to consider—from cemetery regulations to design preferences and after-sales services.<h3>What Do You Have to Consider When Ordering a Headstone?</h3>There are several factors to keep in mind, including cemetery rules, grave size, style, materials, and personalisation options. Visiting a headstone showroom is a good first step, where experienced staff can guide you through the process.<h3>How Do I Go About Purchasing a Headstone?</h3>Visit your nearest headstone showroom. Monumental masons will assist you with selecting a headstone, applying for cemetery permissions, and arranging installation.<h3>What Size Is the Grave?</h3>Grave sizes vary by cemetery, but standard dimensions are:<ul><li>Single: 4'0 wide</li><li>Double: 8'0 wide</li><li>Treble: from 10'0 wide</li></ul><h3>What Cemetery Rules May Apply?</h3>Each cemetery has its own regulations. You may need to check:<ul><li>If it’s a lawn cemetery (no surrounds allowed)</li><li>If there are height restrictions</li><li>If there are Burial Board or Foundation Fees</li></ul><h3>What Interaction Is Required with the Cemetery?</h3>Cemeteries are typically managed by County Councils or Parish authorities. Monumental masons usually apply for permission on your behalf. Any associated fees are added to your account. Work can only begin once permission is granted.<h3>How Soon After a Burial Can I Erect a Headstone?</h3>In lawn cemeteries, headstones can be erected immediately. If a surround is allowed, it can also be installed right away. However, it’s advisable to wait at least 4 months before cementing the grave to allow the ground to settle. Adding peat moss or clay can help with this process.<h3>How Long Does It Take to Erect a Headstone After Ordering?</h3>Once permission is granted and materials are available, headstones are typically erected within 4 weeks. Many families choose meaningful dates such as anniversaries, birthdays, or religious holidays for installation.<h3>What Style Do I Like?</h3>Headstones come in various shapes and styles:<ul><li>Tall</li><li>Wide</li><li>Narrow</li><li>Short</li><li>Ornate</li><li>Simple</li></ul><h3>What Colour Do I Like?</h3>Materials include polished granite, limestone, and marble. Popular colours are:<ul><li>Premium Black</li><li>White with speckle</li><li>Mid Grey with speckle</li><li>Paradiso (pink veined)</li><li>Bahama Blue</li><li>Autumn Brown</li><li>Blue Pearl</li><li>Emerald Vein</li></ul><h3>Can I Select Scenes and Inscription Fonts for My Headstone?</h3>Yes. When placing an order, you’ll receive a proof showing how the inscription will appear. You can choose from a wide range of fonts, scenes, and lettering colours (e.g. black, white, gold, silver).<h3>Can I Put a Photograph, Crest or Symbol on the Headstone?</h3>Yes. You’ll need to provide a colour or black-and-white photo to create a ceramic image. These can be mounted on the headstone or accessories. Available shapes include oval, rectangular, and heart. Football crests and life emblems are also available.<h3>What Options Do I Have for the Inside of the Surround?</h3>You can choose from several finishes:<ul><li>Cement with decorative chippings</li><li>Flower bed strip with cement and chippings</li><li>Rockery netting with chippings or wood bark</li><li>Peat moss covering</li></ul><h3>After-Sales Service</h3>After-sales services may include:<ul><li>Renovations after additional burials</li><li>Changing chippings</li><li>Adding new inscriptions</li><li>Cleaning and repainting headstones</li><li>Supplying grave accessories such as lanterns, statues, vases, bibles, hearts, plaques, and photographs</li></ul>Compiled by Butterly Stone

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Purchasing a Headstone – What to Know Before You Buy

Antrim

Armagh

Carlow

Cavan

Clare

Cork

Derry

Donegal

Down

Dublin

Fermanagh

Galway

Kerry

Kildare

Kilkenny

Laois

Leitrim

Limerick

Longford

Louth

Mayo

Meath

Monaghan

Offaly

Roscommon

Sligo

Tipperary

Tyrone

Waterford

Westmeath

Wexford

Wicklow

Condolence Books - Printed and Bound

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Mini Condolence Books - Printed and Bound

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Condolence Book for Home Printing

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Ogham Wishes

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RIP.ie Sympathy Christmas Card

Pressed Flowers with Verse / Photo

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Condolence Book Cover & Presentation Box - for Home Printing

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Holy Water Fonts, Crucifixes, Spiritual Wall Hangings & Celtic Art Pieces

Topic: Funeral Planning