When Words Fail, Music Speaks: How Songs Help Us Say Goodbye

Exploring how music expresses grief, love, and memory when words fall short.

When we stand in a queue waiting to sympathise with those who mourn, we never really know what to say. “Sorry for your loss.” Those words, while genuine, never quite feel like enough. A silent handshake or a hug often says more. Words, for the most part, fail.
So why does music work?

Music Enhances Our Emotions

“Music lights up the brain, including the hippocampus and amygdala, which activate emotional responses to music.” 

Music amplifies every emotion we feel. Play lively music when you’re happy, and it energises you. Play heavy metal when you’re angry, and it can intensify that anger. Slow music when you’re sad can deepen the melancholy.

But music can also help us cope. Feeling angry? Put on Metallica at the gym and channel that energy into a great workout. Feeling sad? Listen to a song that mirrors your emotions, and it can soothe you. The right music for the right moment can help us process and overcome what we’re feeling.

The Power of Music

To quote my late guitar teacher:
“Music knows no boundaries and passes through all frontiers.”

In my years of singing, I’ve seen countless examples of music’s impact. One that stays with me is from a nursing home performance. Among the residents was an elderly lady with advanced dementia, confined to a special chair with little movement.

As we sang her favourite song, she suddenly raised her hand in the air, like holding a lighter at a concert, waving gently to the music. In a mind that seemed lost to this world, the song found a channel to a memory and lit it up. The nursing staff were amazed, and so were we. That moment showed the true power of music.

Memories

Songs carry moments and memories that can lift our hearts and break them at the same time.

For example, if I sing at the funeral of a man who loved Tipperary hurling and I’m asked to perform Slievenamon as he is taken from the church or laid to rest, I will invariably see a mix of tears and smiles. That song brings back happy times for those mourning. Hearing it one last time as they say goodbye becomes a family’s way of honouring the man they loved and the memories he gave them.

You’ve Got a Friend

I read a beautiful description recently:
“Music is an understanding friend.”

And it is. Music is always there when we need it. It can keep us strong, make us cry, and comfort us.

I love singing all sorts of songs, especially those that trigger memories of family and friends I’ve lost. Over the years, I’ve found comfort in many songs, but for me personally, Christian hymns and church music also give me hope.

I don’t need a punch bag or a stiff drink to relieve heartache, tension, or stress—I just need my faith and my music.