<h3>Grief Is Personal</h3><p>How you grieve, and the emotions you may experience when someone dies by suicide, are unique to you – just as individual as your fingerprint. Each person is affected in their own way because everyone is different, even within the same family. You had your own relationship with the person who died, your own experiences with loss, and your own way of expressing emotions.</p><h3>How Are You Feeling?</h3><p>People often ask ‘how are you feeling?’ and this can sometimes be impossible to answer. When someone dies suddenly, you can be left with an overwhelming array of feelings and thoughts. The following are just some of the feelings and thoughts you might be experiencing. You might experience some of these more than others, or they might come and go over time. Others, you might not experience at all, and that’s ok too.</p><ul><li>Sadness</li><li>Numbness</li><li>Anger</li><li>Defensiveness</li><li>Depression and anxiety</li><li>Despair and suicidal thoughts</li><li>Disbelief</li><li>Fear</li><li>Regret</li><li>Feeling stigmatised or judged by others</li><li>A sense of longing</li><li>Rejection</li><li>Shock</li><li>Searching</li><li>Relief</li><li>Acceptance</li></ul><h3>The Depth of Grief</h3><p>The depth of feeling associated with suicide loss can affect all aspects of your being: mental, physical, emotional and spiritual. In just a short period of time, you can use up your energy and feel overwhelmed and exhausted, and the intensity of some feelings might feel overwhelming at times. You can expect some physical reactions to your grief, e.g., headaches, loss of appetite, and inability to sleep. Your GP can give you advice about coping with these reactions, if needed.</p><h3>Nurturing Yourself Through Grief</h3><p>It is really important to nurture yourself on your grief journey. Here are some things to remember:</p><ul><li>Know you can survive. You may not think so but you can.</li><li>You might struggle with “why” it happened, until you no longer need to know “why” or until you are satisfied with some, or no answers. Wear out your questions, anger, guilt, or other feelings until you can let them go. Letting go doesn’t mean forgetting.</li><li>Be aware you may feel inappropriate anger at the person, at the world, at God, at yourself. It’s okay to express this anger safely.</li><li>Accept that you may feel guilty for what you think you did, or did not do.</li><li>Know that having suicidal thoughts is common. It does not mean that you will act on these thoughts. However, seek help if you have frequent suicidal thoughts or if you are thinking of acting on them. Talk to your GP anytime, or to the Emergency Department of your nearest hospital if you feel at risk of harm.</li><li>Take one moment or one day at a time.</li><li>Find a good listener with whom to share.</li><li>Don’t be afraid to cry. Tears are healing.</li><li>Try to put off major decisions.</li><li>Be patient with yourself and with others who may not understand.</li><li>Know that you will never be the same again, but find hope – that you can survive and even go beyond just surviving.</li><li>Be kind and gentle with yourself.</li></ul><p><i>This article is adapted from </i><a href="https://www.healthpromotion.ie/products/you-are-not-alone-suicide-bereavement-support-guide"><i>You Are Not Alone, the national suicide bereavement support guide.</i></a></p><p><i>For more information from the HSE on bereavement, loss and suicide bereavement, visit </i><a href="https://www2.hse.ie/mental-health/life-situations-events/bereavement/"><i>www.hse.ie/grief</i></a><i>.</i></p><p><i>From the HSE National Office for Suicide Prevention.</i></p>

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Bereaved by Suicide: Understanding Your Grief, Your Way

<p>A sudden death brings an added layer of distress and emotion. Adults often feel confused, shocked, and unprepared, struggling to accept what has happened. Children, too, are caught off guard—and the dependable adults they rely on may suddenly seem unable to cope in the way they expect.</p><h3>Supporting Children When Parents Are Overwhelmed</h3><p>It’s completely understandable that parents may be struggling in the aftermath of a sudden death. However, children need routine and structure to help them make sense of the situation. A trusted family member, someone familiar and liked by the children, can step in to care for them and offer explanations (in consultation with the parents). Keeping children within the family circle and ensuring they feel seen and supported is essential, especially if parents are temporarily unavailable.</p><h3>Explaining the Cause of Death Clearly</h3><p>If the cause of death is clear, such as a road traffic accident, there’s no mystery. But if the cause is unknown, like a sudden medical issue, it’s important to explain that a post mortem (a medical examination) will be carried out to determine what happened. Let children know that the results may take time, and reassure them that they will be told what is discovered. It’s vital to keep this promise.</p><h3>Helping Children Make Sense of Adult Conversations</h3><p>In the wake of a sudden death, people often gather, talk, and speculate about what happened. Children may overhear these conversations and misunderstand what they hear. The designated adult should check in with the children, ask what they’ve heard, and gently clarify any confusion.</p><h3>Including Children in Funeral Rites</h3><p>Because the death was unexpected, there may have been no opportunity to prepare children for<a href="https://rip.ie/grief-and-bereavement-support/explaining-cremation-to-children-a-gentle-guide-for-parents-and-guardians-232"> funeral rites</a> or discuss how they’d like to be involved. The caring adult plays a key role here, helping children understand what’s happening and supporting their choices about participation.</p><h3>When a Child Wants to See the Deceased</h3><p>If a child expresses a wish to see the person who has died, and is properly prepared and supported, this can be helpful for their long-term adjustment. When the last memory of the deceased is of someone healthy and well, seeing the body can help the child begin to accept the reality of the loss.</p><h3>In summary:</h3><p>The most effective way to support a child after a sudden bereavement is for a trusted adult to offer clear information, gentle guidance, and consistent structure, while staying in close communication with the parents. Aim to provide a calm environment for part of the day. Avoid removing the child entirely from familiar surroundings, though a short break in a quieter setting can be helpful. Listen closely, and make sure they’re not overwhelmed by adult conversations they don’t understand.</p><p><strong>Next Read:</strong> <a href="https://rip.ie/grief-and-bereavement-support/how-children-understand-death-age-appropriate-support-for-grieving-233">How Children Understand Death: Age-Appropriate Support for Grieving</a></p>

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Helping a Child Cope with Sudden Death: Guidance for Parents and Carers

<h3>From Bright Eyes to Gentle Goodbyes</h3><p>My journey to becoming a Death Doula began long before I knew such a role existed. As a child, I was deeply moved by the film <i>Watership Down</i> and its haunting theme song, “Bright Eyes.” The story’s honest portrayal of death and dying, tender yet unflinching, sparked something inside me. It invited me to see mortality not as something to fear, but as a natural part of life’s cycle. Even then, I sensed that death wasn’t an ending to be hidden away. It was part of a much bigger story.</p><p>This curiosity grew as I watched my family navigate the deaths of my grandparents and other loved ones. I witnessed grief up close. The quiet strength, the rituals, the unspoken emotions. I saw how differently each person coped. Each experience shaped my understanding of death in its own way. There was love in the tears, connection in the silence, and somehow, even amidst the sadness, a strange kind of peace. These moments taught me that death does not happen to an individual alone. It ripples outward, touching families, communities, and traditions.</p><p>The Catholic faith I was raised in also influenced my view of death. The rituals of prayers, vigils, and funerals offered comfort and a sense of continuity between the living and the dead. But as I grew older, I began to question my faith and seek a more personal understanding of what it means to die. And to live fully while we can. These questions would later guide my work.</p><h3>Volunteering at Hospice: A Turning Point</h3><p>As an adult, my path became clearer when I began volunteering at my local hospice. There, I met extraordinary people living with life-limiting illnesses. Sitting with them, hearing their stories, sharing laughter and tears, and witnessing their courage as they approached the end of life changed me profoundly. It was a huge honour. These encounters were humbling and deeply life-affirming. I began to understand the power of presence. Simply being with someone as they face death can be one of the greatest gifts you can offer.</p><h3>Training as a Death Doula</h3><p>Wanting to deepen my understanding, I enrolled in a Sacred Circle Death Doula course. This transformative experience required me to confront my own beliefs about death and dying. I wrote my own eulogy and participated in a living wake. These practices were both unsettling and liberating. They helped me see death not as a distant event, but as an integral part of my own life story. These experiences stripped away layers of fear and illusion. They reminded me that thinking about death isn’t morbid. It is a way of learning how to live with more truth, gratitude, and openness.</p><h3>Holding Space for Grief and End-of-Life Conversations</h3><p>Today, I find myself speaking with people -family, friends, clients, and even strangers. We talk about their experiences of illness, grief, and death. These conversations are not dark or depressing. They are profoundly human and freeing. People long to share their fears, their memories, and their hopes about what might lie beyond it all. My role as a Death Doula is to hold space for these stories. I walk alongside others as they navigate the most intimate threshold of existence. These moments remind me why I do this work.</p><h3>A Life’s Purpose Rooted in Compassion</h3><p>Being a Death Doula feels less like a career and more like my life’s purpose. It honours the full cycle of life. From those first childhood glimpses of death through the lens of a story and a song, to the real and raw experiences of walking beside others at life’s end, my journey has been about one simple truth. Death is not separate from life. It is part of it. And when we face it with compassion, we open ourselves to a deeper kind of love.</p>

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My Path to Becoming a Death Doula

<p>The loneliness we experience after the death of someone we love can be deeper and more enduring than other forms of loneliness. How can we give these feelings the space they need?</p><h3>Losing the Familiar</h3><p>To be human is to be lonely, and most of us will experience loneliness at various times in our lives. Research shows that people often feel lonely during life transitions—retirement, moving house, marriage, becoming a parent. These are usually seen as joyful milestones, yet they can bring a sense of disconnection. We may feel alone in losing the familiar and uncertain in facing new challenges. It can feel like entering a strange new country, where we must learn unfamiliar signposts.</p><p>In bereavement, we may experience a range of emotions toward the person who has died—including anger that they are no longer here. These mixed feelings can lead to confusion and guilt, adding to our sense of isolation.</p><h3>Lonely for a Part of Yourself</h3><p>The loneliness that follows the death of a spouse or partner is often layered and complex. The losses are cumulative and can affect every area of life. We may yearn for the life we shared—even the difficult parts. The certainty, the shared interests, the intimacy, the interdependence—all gone. Even in imperfect relationships, the death of a partner can mark the end of unfulfilled hopes. The finality of death means the chance to make things better is gone, which can lead to complicated grief.</p><p>After a partner dies, we are suddenly on our own, often faced with a raft of decisions when we feel least able to make them.</p><blockquote><p>“My husband was the technical one,” said Colette. “The first time my computer broke after he died, I actually called out loud to him to help me. I knew it sounded ridiculous, but I felt so helpless and alone.”</p></blockquote><p>Good partners offer comfort simply by being present. Ben, who was widowed last year, shared:</p><blockquote><p>“We were very close and did a lot together. We enjoyed watching TV in the evenings. I’d be in my chair, she’d be on the couch, and we’d exchange a glance, knowing what the other was thinking. Now, I see something in a film and turn to look at her—but the couch is empty. She’s not there. I know it will take me a long time to stop turning toward her.”</p></blockquote><p>Losing a partner can also mean losing a part of ourselves.</p><blockquote><p>“I’ve realised that nobody will ever see me again as he did,” my mother said, months after my father’s death. “I am lonely for that part of myself.”</p></blockquote><h3>Looking After Ourselves as Best We Can</h3><p>As we move through the loneliness of grief, it’s important to care for ourselves as best we can. This might mean accepting support from trusted friends or family. Patience and self-compassion are essential—allowing ourselves to feel pain and sadness, and giving grief the time it needs.</p><p>There may be moments of joy, distraction, or escape that we can allow ourselves without guilt. Expressing grief in healthy ways—through art, writing, gardening, cooking, or walking in nature—can also help.</p><p>When we’re ready, there are sources of support. Spending time with family members who are also grieving can be healing. Sharing stories, laughing, and crying together can be deeply therapeutic.</p><p>Don’t rule out professional help. Joining a bereavement support group can offer comfort and connection with others who understand. If loneliness persists and is accompanied by intense or prolonged grief, speaking with a therapist or counsellor can provide the space to explore and express your feelings—and, in time, help you begin to live more fully again.</p>

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Loneliness After Loss: Navigating Grief and Finding Connection

<h3>Conversations About Grief</h3><p>Third Age is a national organisation that empowers older people to live full, active, and valued lives in their communities. Through programmes like SeniorLine, Third Age offers support, connection, and a listening ear to older people navigating life’s challenges—including grief. This article explores how we can better support those who are bereaved, especially older people, by understanding what helps and what doesn’t.</p><p>Death is both everyday and universal, and most of us, as we go through life, have some experience of loss. It is surprising, therefore, that some people who have suffered bereavement speak about the poor response they can encounter from friends, neighbours, and people in general. Why is this? Is there a good way to support those we care about after a death?</p><h3>Not Knowing What to Say</h3><p>Some people don’t know how to approach a bereaved person after a death. It can feel as if the survivor has somehow moved to an unreachable, distant place.</p><p>“I have seen people cross the road to avoid me. I know it’s because they don’t know what to say. But it is hurtful, as if I have changed,” says Marie, who was widowed in 2022.</p><p>There are many reasons why grief can cause uncomfortable feelings in others and lead them to avoid awkward encounters. It may be that such meetings trigger their own unresolved grief. People may believe they couldn’t handle another’s tears or distress, or they may feel they have to fix or solve the situation somehow—make it better.</p><h3>Keeping People Company</h3><p>At a fundamental level, there is often nothing to do about death. It has happened. It just is. In these situations, we can help by offering emotional support: listening, being present, and giving grief and loss the space they deserve.</p><p>The Third Age programme, SeniorLine, Ireland’s telephone service for older people, hears from callers who may still be grieving months or years after the death of someone close. The caller often needs to talk about the circumstances surrounding the death, the person who died, and life since.</p><p>SeniorLine volunteers know the value of listening and giving the caller time to talk.</p><p>“At my age, I have experienced death and I know how people need to talk. I offer empathy rather than sympathy as I try to put myself in their shoes. I ask about the person that died and encourage the caller to talk about him or her if that is what they want. People really appreciate that, as it does not seem always acceptable to continue talking about the person as time goes on. But there is no one right way to grieve, and everyone is different,” says Patsy Buckley, Dublin 16, a SeniorLine volunteer.</p><p>As a confidential support service, SeniorLine does not assume to know how a bereaved caller feels. Callers may be helpless, fearful, angry, guilty, sad, lonely, and much more. Our response to loss depends on our relationship with the person who has died, the manner of the death, our support system, personal capacity, and any previous losses.</p><h3>Less Is More</h3><p>Sometimes, the simplest words are best.</p><p>“I’m very sorry to hear your mother has died,” accompanied by a handshake or hug, lets the person know you are able to share their grief in that moment and stand with them quietly.</p><p>“Sorry for your trouble” is a traditional Irish expression to show sympathy and acknowledge someone’s loss. It can express a reaching out without needing a lengthy emotional exchange, allowing sympathy to be offered in a quiet but authentic way.</p><p>It is important to avoid clichés. Do not try to minimise their loss, offer false reassurance, or assume you know how they feel. Death is both completely familiar and completely mysterious. Responding to the mystery of death may affect us all in a profound way, and operating from that place may help us offer comfort and consolation in a sincere and effective way.</p><h3>About Third Age and SeniorLine</h3><p>Third Age is a network of programmes and projects for older people that supports their autonomy and celebrates their contribution in local communities.</p><p>SeniorLine is open daily from 10am to 10pm.<br /><strong>Freefone: </strong>1800 80 45 91<br /><a href="www.thirdageireland.ie">www.thirdageireland.ie</a></p><p> </p>

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Listening Matters: Helping Older People Navigate Loss

<h3><strong>When You Feel Numb Or Disconnected</strong></h3><p>Grief does not always arrive in waves of strong emotions. Sometimes instead of crying or shouting, you may feel very little at all. You might feel like you’re watching life happen at a distance, as though they are going through the motions on autopilot. Some might call it numbness; others might call it emptiness.</p><p>This is the nervous system’s way of protecting you. Just as it can launch into fight or flight when it senses danger or stress, it can also shut down into what’s called the ‘freeze’ response. When experiences become too overwhelming to process, the body can slow down, energy drops and emotions can switch off.</p><p>Numbness can be your body’s attempt to cope but when it lingers, it can bring confusion or even guilt. You may long to feel something, as though you ‘should’ be feeling more but it seems out of reach.</p><h3><strong>One Breath At A Time</strong></h3><p>The way back is not to force feeling, but to gently invite connection back, one small step at a time. Your breath can be a steady companion here. It is always present, always moving. By paying attention to it, you can notice what is already there, helping you bridge the gap between your body and mind.</p><h3><strong>A Grounding Breath, To Gently Reconnect With Yourself</strong></h3><p>This is not about changing your breath, you are simply noticing it, tuning into the steady rhythm of inhales and exhales. The shift may be subtle. Each inhale and exhale becomes a thread of connection allowing a little more presence and reassurance that you are still here.</p><figure class="media"><div data-oembed-url="https://youtu.be/yFJ36MSQbxY?si=04-JwtyzIAjIL9QE"><div style="position:relative;padding-bottom:100%;height:0;padding-bottom:56.2493%"><iframe src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/yFJ36MSQbxY" style="position:absolute;width:100%;height:100%;top:0;left:0" frameborder="0" allow="autoplay; encrypted-media" allowfullscreen></iframe></div></div></figure><h3><strong>Try This Gentle Breathing Technique</strong></h3><p>To practice this breathing technique, find a place where you feel as comfortable as possible, whether sitting or lying down. Close your eyes or simply soften your gaze. If it is comfortable for you, rest one hand on your chest and one hand on your belly. Feel the surface beneath you holding your weight, steady and supportive and allow your body to settle.</p><p><strong>1. Begin by bringing your attention to your breath. Don't change anything yet, just focus on how your breath is right now in this moment.</strong></p><ul><li>Is it high in your chest or low in your belly?</li><li>Is it quick or is it slow?</li><li>Is it gentle or is it heavy?</li><li>Notice how cool the air feels as you breathe in through your nose and slightly warmer as you breathe out.</li></ul><p><strong>2. Start to gently guide your breath into a smooth rhythm and silently say to yourself: ‘I am breathing in. I am breathing out.’</strong></p><ul><li>Inhale slowly through your nose and low into your belly.</li><li>Exhale slowly through your mouth or nose, whatever feels easy for you.</li><li>Breathing gently with no force or effort.</li></ul><p><strong>3. Let your breath move like waves. Steady and continuous.</strong></p><ul><li>Imagine each inhale is like a wave rolling gently into shore.</li><li>Imagine each exhale is that wave flowing calmly back out to sea.</li></ul><p><strong>4. Notice now how you have created a natural rhythm to your breathing.</strong></p><ul><li>With every gentle exhale, imagine you are breathing out the tension in your body.</li><li>With every inhale, imagine you are breathing in calm and strength.</li></ul><p><strong>5. Breathe like this for a few minutes.</strong></p><ul><li>If your mind drifts, gently return to the words &amp; the movement of your hands as they rise and fall with your breath.</li></ul><h3><strong>Notice What Changes</strong></h3><p>Notice how your body is responding. Perhaps you feel your shoulders relaxing and your belly softening? You may or may not feel different right away. That’s okay. This practice isn’t about forcing feelings to return. It’s about creating a thread of connection, however small. Over time, these moments can remind your body that it is safe enough to soften and reconnect.</p><h3><strong>Your Breath Is Always With You</strong></h3><p>You can return to this practice anytime. You don’t need special equipment, or a long session. Even a few minutes using this technique can make a difference. Your breath is always with you.</p><p>Over time, these moments of calm accumulate, creating more space for you to meet life as it is.</p><p>Your breath won’t erase life’s challenges, but it can remind you that with every inhale and every exhale, you carry a simple, effective tool to help bring your mind and body back from overwhelm to greater ease.</p><h3><strong>A Gentle Reminder</strong></h3><p>Think of these practices as gentle tools you can reach for to support your wellbeing. They don’t replace medical or therapeutic care. Please only do what feels supportive for you, and if anything doesn’t feel right, simply return to your natural breath.</p><p>If you or a loved one is struggling with ongoing or overwhelming distress, I encourage you to reach out to a healthcare or mental health professional for extra support.</p>

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When You Feel Numb Or Disconnected: One Breath At A Time.

<p>You know the feeling of having a good day, everything is fine, nothing out of the ordinary, and your body begins to trust, just for a moment, that it’s okay to slide out of fight-or-flight mode. That it’s okay to let your soul settle with a warm cup of tea or a slow, gentle walk.</p><p>And then, just as you begin to allow yourself the confidence to step into a space of trust—boom—the gut punch.</p><p>Your stomach drops and your mind lights up like a thousand fireflies, electrifying every single neural pathway, exploding into a chaotic frenzy of thoughts:</p><p><br /><i>“But what if?”</i><br /><i>“Stay alert.”</i><br /><i>“You can’t be happy.”</i><br /><i>“Don’t let your guard down.”</i><br /><i>“Hurry up.”</i><br /><i>“Hurry up.”</i><br /><i>“Hurrryyyy uppp!”</i></p><h3>When the Mind Spirals</h3><p>As I write this today, my three young children have scurried across the field to see their granny and grandad. I watched them go through the field, climb over the wall onto the driveway, and turn the corner to go inside the house. I was happy, knowing they were safe.</p><p>Then suddenly, a wave of panic came over me—a surge of danger taking over my senses. All the <i>what ifs</i> darting through my vision and mind. I didn’t physically see them walk in the door.<br /><i>What if there was a tractor that didn’t see them in the driveway?</i><br /><i>What if a tree fell down in the wind?</i><br /><i>What if the door to Granny’s is locked and they decide to wander around the fields?</i></p><p>All of these scenarios crept into my body, heightening my senses and triggering my deep-seated fear:</p><blockquote><p><br />“Someone else that I love is going to die.”</p></blockquote><h3>The Need to Know</h3><p>So what did I do? I rang their granny. I had to check. I had to know. I tried to wait 15 minutes, but my thoughts gripped me and a distressed state of consciousness set in.</p><p>It has been, and continues to be, a work in progress to differentiate between reality and thought.</p><h3>The Body Believes the Thought</h3><p>Have you ever noticed that when you think a certain thought, your body responds as if it’s happening in that moment?</p><p>This has been proven by science.</p><p>Our bodies do not know how to separate reality from perceived reality.</p><p><i>For example:</i><br />If I imagine a lemon in my hand—look at it, hold it, smell it, and then take a bite—my body reacts as if I’m biting into a sour lemon. As you read this, do you notice your mouth has more saliva? There’s no lemon in your hand, but your body believes there is.</p><p>This is the same for anxious thoughts.</p><p>When an anxious thought appears, our body believes it to be true.<br />99% of the time, it is not true.</p><h3>What Can We Do?</h3><p>So what can we do to support ourselves in moments of anxiety or overwhelm, when fear creeps into our cells?</p><p>We notice it.</p><p>Yes, it sounds simple for such an active, stimulated state—but it really does start there.<br />We have to begin to stop and truly notice what is going on for us in that moment.</p><p>So many of us are on autopilot, stuck in a heightened state of nervousness due to bereavement. It becomes a way of life. In a way, it feels safe—because the perception is that we have control by trying to manage the situation. But in reality, our thoughts and lack of awareness are in the driving seat.</p><h3>Bringing Yourself Back</h3><ul style="list-style-type:circle"><li>We begin by bringing our attention to our thoughts.</li><li>Notice them.</li><li>Remind yourself, and your body, that this is not happening right now.</li><li>That this is not true.</li><li>That right now, I am safe.</li></ul><p>Bring it back to the present moment.<br />Then we can empower ourselves to take back our own authority.</p><p>For example:<br /><i>Right now I am safe.</i><br /><i>Right now my hands are typing on my laptop.</i><br /><i>Right now there is warmth in my mouth from my ginger tea.</i><br /><i>Right now the rain is bouncing off the window.</i><br /><i>Right now my feet are in fluffy socks.</i><br /><i>Right now I am in my house.</i><br /><i>Right now I am safe.</i></p><p>As you read that paragraph, could you see where I was and what my senses were experiencing?</p><p><br />This is the power of imagination.</p><p><br />It can bring us to terrifying, anxious places—and it can also bring us to warm, tender, soft, and nurturing places.</p><h3>You Have the Power to Choose</h3><p>You have the choice.<br />Take your power back.<br />Start with noticing.</p><p>Remind your body that you are safe in this very moment.<br />These are just thoughts trying to keep you secure and in control.<br />They have served you well until now—and now it’s time to let them go.</p><p>Try reminding yourself:</p><blockquote><p><br /><i>“Yes, [insert your name], of course this is how you are trying to make sense of the world. Of course this is absolutely understandable. You have been through so much. Of course this is how you would be trying to protect yourself.”</i></p></blockquote><h3>Remember Your Compassionate Voice</h3><p>A lovely, easy way to bring yourself out of anxious thoughts and back into the room is to use the five senses. Try it now:</p><ul><li>5 things you can see</li><li>4 things you can touch</li><li>3 things you can hear</li><li>2 things you can smell</li><li>1 thing you can taste</li></ul><h3>Rewiring Takes Time</h3><p>Remember: your brain does not know how to distinguish reality from perceived reality.<br />This takes time to rewire and practice—but the more you do it, the more naturally it will come.</p>

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When Grief Triggers Anxiety: Navigating the Body’s Response

<p>Grief comes in many forms, and every loss is deeply personal. Yet sometimes, the world around us does not acknowledge our pain. This is called disenfranchised grief — a natural emotional response to loss that is not openly accepted or recognised by others. For those experiencing it, the silence or dismissal can be just as painful as the loss itself.</p><h3>What is Disenfranchised Grief?</h3><p>The term was first defined by grief expert Dr. Kenneth Doka in 1989: <i>“Disenfranchised grief refers to a loss that’s not openly acknowledged, socially mourned, or publicly supported.”</i></p><p>This type of grief often arises when:</p><ol><li>The loss is not considered “important enough” by others.</li><li>The type of loss is stigmatised.</li><li>Some people are seen as not “entitled” to grieve.</li><li>The circumstances of the death are denied.</li><li>The way someone expresses their grief is judged.</li></ol><p>Think of moments when someone says, <i>“I was only their friend,”</i> or <i>“We were divorced, so I shouldn’t feel this upset.”</i> These are powerful examples of how people can minimise their own grief because they feel it doesn’t “count.”</p><p>But here’s the truth: <strong>all grief is valid.</strong></p><h3>Why it Matters</h3><p>When grief is not recognised, it can leave the mourner feeling isolated, unwelcome, or even ashamed of their pain. This can make the grieving process longer and more complicated.</p><p>For those bereaved by suicide, disenfranchised grief can feel especially heavy. Because suicide carries stigma, some may feel that others see their loved one’s death as “less worthy” of sympathy, or that they themselves are “less entitled” to grieve. Whether real or imagined, these feelings can prevent people from seeking the support they need — leaving them to carry their grief alone.</p><p>As one bereaved person shared:</p><blockquote><p><br /><i>“When I lost my friend to suicide, people said, ‘But you weren’t family.’ It made me feel like my grief didn’t matter. But it mattered deeply — it still does.”</i></p></blockquote><h3>Finding a Way Forward</h3><p>If you recognise yourself in this type of grief, know that you are not alone — and your feelings are valid. Some steps that may help include:</p><ul><li>Communicate your needs: Let family and friends know what kind of support helps you most. Often, people want to help but feel unsure of what to say or do.</li><li>Seek safe spaces: A support group can offer relief, connection, and validation by bringing together others who truly understand.</li><li>Professional support: Speaking with a grief therapist can provide guidance in processing difficult emotions.</li><li>Stay connected: Whatever you choose, try not to isolate yourself. Reaching out is a sign of strength, not weakness.</li></ul><p>Grief does not need permission to exist — and neither do you. Every relationship, every bond, and every loss is worthy of being honoured. If you are experiencing disenfranchised grief, know that your pain is real, your love is real, and you are deserving of support and compassion.</p><p>For free, peer-led support after suicide loss, visit <a href="https://hugg.ie/find-support-after-a-suicide/ ">HUGG.ie</a>. </p>

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When Grief Goes Unrecognised: Understanding Disenfranchised Grief

<h3>When Everything Feels Overwhelming</h3><p>When you’ve experienced the loss of a loved one, there can be times when it all feels like too much. You might feel restless, agitated, or unable to relaxeven when you’re exhausted. It can seem as though your whole body is tensed, bracing for something.</p><p>When stress, loss, or sudden change occurs, the body reacts automatically. The nervous system instinctively shifts into the sympathetic state, often called the "fight or flight response". This is a primitive survival mechanism designed to protect you and help you respond quickly to danger.</p><p>In this state, you might notice your heart racing, your breathing becoming fast and shallow, your muscles tightening, and your focus narrowing. In short bursts this response is useful, but when we spend too long in fight or flight, it stops being protective and can leave us feeling tense, anxious, and overwhelmed, making the grief even harder to carry.</p><h3>One Breath at a Time</h3><p>Breathwork can be a very effective and simple way to regulate your nervous system and shift back into the calmer, parasympathetic state.</p><p>What is Breathwork? It is the practice of consciously guiding your breathing in different ways to influence how you feel in your body and mind. Breathing is unique because although it happens automatically, it can be intentionally regulated. When you change how you breathe, you can change how you feel.</p><p>By practicing different breathwork techniques, you can activate pathways in the nervous system that promote relaxation, improve focus, and support emotional regulation.</p><h3>A Calming Breath for Moments of Overwhelm</h3><p>When we breathe in, our heart rate speeds up. When we breathe out, it slows down. Slow, rhythmic breathing whereby you extend your exhale, activates the vagus nerve, signalling to your brain that it is safe to leave the fight or flight state.</p><p>Even a few intentional breaths can begin to shift your body into a calmer state. Breathwork won’t erase your feelings, but this technique can help press pause on your internal alarm giving you a pocket of calm. Over time, these pauses add up, giving your system more opportunities to recover.</p><figure class="media"><div data-oembed-url="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xPkb4_YWMFw&amp;t=6s"><div style="position:relative;padding-bottom:100%;height:0;padding-bottom:56.2493%"><iframe src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/xPkb4_YWMFw?start=6" style="position:absolute;width:100%;height:100%;top:0;left:0" frameborder="0" allow="autoplay; encrypted-media" allowfullscreen></iframe></div></div></figure><h3>Try This Simple Breathing Technique</h3><p>To practice this breathing technique, find a position that feels safe and supportive. You might sit upright in a chair with your feet on the floor or lie down somewhere comfortable. If it feels right, place one hand on your chest and one on your belly. Close your eyes gently or simply soften your gaze.</p><p>1. Begin with a slow, gentle inhale through your nose, counting to four in your head.</p><ul style="list-style-type:square"><li>You don’t need to take a big breath, it should be light, gentle, and low into your belly.</li><li>Notice how your belly gently rises and falls under your hand.</li></ul><p>2. Without pausing, exhale slowly through your mouth for six counts, as though you’re gently blowing out a candle.</p><ul style="list-style-type:square"><li>With each exhale, visualise the stress or tension leaving your body.</li><li>Go at your own pace and never force your breath.</li></ul><p>3. Repeat this rhythm several times:</p><ul style="list-style-type:square"><li>Inhale for 4 counts.</li><li>Exhale for 6 counts.</li><li>If your mind wanders, return to the steady count in your head.</li></ul><h3>Notice What Changes</h3><p>As you breathe , you might notice small shifts in your body. You may not feel transformed, but you might notice a softening, a release. Perhaps your shoulders lower slightly? Or your jaw feels less tight? Maybe your heartbeat slows and steadies. Perhaps you simply feel the comfort of focusing on the steady rhythm.</p><p>There is no right or wrong outcome.</p><h3>Your Breath Is Always With You</h3><p>You can return to this practice anytime. You don’t need a quiet room, special equipment, or a long session. Even one or two minutes using this technique can make a difference. Your breath is always with you.</p><p>Over time, these moments of calm accumulate, creating more space for you to meet life as it is.</p><p>Your breath won’t erase life’s challenges, but it can remind you that with every inhale and every exhale, you carry with you a tool that is simple, effective, and always available to help bring your mind and body back from overwhelm to greater ease.</p><h3>A Gentle Reminder</h3><p>Think of these practices as gentle tools you can reach for to support your wellbeing.. They don’t replace medical or therapeutic care. Please only do what feels supportive for you, and if anything doesn’t feel right, simply return to your natural breath.</p><p>If you or a loved one is struggling with ongoing or overwhelming distress, I encourage you to reach out to a healthcare or mental health professional for extra support.</p>

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When Everything Feels Overwhelming. One Breath at a Time.

<p><span style="color:hsl(0,0%,0%)"><i>Breffni Mc Guinness, Bereavement Coordinator, LauraLynn, Ireland’s Children’s Hospice.</i></span></p><p><span style="color:hsl(0,0%,0%)">The death of a child is one of the most difficult deaths that anyone may have to face. We often don’t know what to say or do when someone we know has experienced this loss. And yet, it is very important to reach out and engage with the parent even though we might feel uncomfortable.</span></p><p><span style="color:hsl(0,0%,0%)">Sometimes we might wonder about what is the ‘right thing to say’?  We don’t want to offend someone who is already suffering deep pain, and we don’t want to make matters worse.  So, what can we do?</span></p><h3><span style="color:hsl(0,0%,0%)">Reach out</span></h3><p><span style="color:hsl(0,0%,0%)">One thing that is helpful to remember is that for the parent whose child has died the worst thing has already happened.  Rather than focussing on the right words – it is more important to trust yourself and to reach out in compassion. </span></p><h3><span style="color:hsl(0,0%,0%)">Be aware of your own discomfort</span></h3><p><span style="color:hsl(0,0%,0%)">Sometimes when we are talking to people who are bereaved, we feel uncomfortable. It is good to be aware of this and at the same not let this get in the way of supporting the person.  What people who are bereaved really want is to be met with your humanity and care. It does matter when we express our condolences – no matter how clunky or uncomfortable we might feel while doing so. It makes a big difference to the person who is bereaved.  Believe it or not, when you are grieving it can be more painful when people avoid you because they don’t know what to say or because they feel uncomfortable.</span></p><h3><span style="color:hsl(0,0%,0%)">Keep it simple</span></h3><p><span style="color:hsl(0,0%,0%)">Don’t worry about finding the perfect words – trust yourself and your gut. Use the child’s name wherever possible.   If you are struggling to find a way to start you can use something like:</span></p><p style="margin-left:18.0pt"><span style="color:hsl(0,0%,0%)"><i>“I am so sorry to hear about John” or</i></span></p><p style="margin-left:18.0pt"><span style="color:hsl(0,0%,0%)"><i>“I can’t imagine how difficult this is for you” </i></span></p><p style="margin-left:18.0pt"><span style="color:hsl(0,0%,0%)"><i>“I am so sorry about John – he was a lovely boy”</i></span></p><h3><span style="color:hsl(0,0%,0%)">Don’t worry about awkward pauses or gaps</span></h3><p><span style="color:hsl(0,0%,0%)">These may occur – remember the priority here is the welfare of the person who is bereaved.  Don’t feel you have to fill the silence or the gaps.  The person may be lost in their thoughts and emotions. Sometimes there aren’t words to describe what they are experiencing. I can guarantee you that they will still appreciate that you made the effort to reach out to them even if it is a bit awkward.    </span></p><h3><span style="color:hsl(0,0%,0%)">Let the bereaved parent be your guide</span></h3><p><span style="color:hsl(0,0%,0%)">Take your cue from the person who is bereaved – let them be your guide to their grief.  Reach out, offer condolences.  If they do not wish to talk to you or if they don’t engage – don’t be offended – they are in unimaginable pain at this moment.  They will still appreciate that you made the effort to connect with them even if they might not be in the space right now to receive that.  On the other hand, if the person wants to talk – let them – and all you have to do is listen.  Be aware that someone will generally only talk to someone else if they feel comfortable to do so.  Take that as a compliment and allow the person who is bereaved to talk as much as they wish.  Listen, listen, then listen a bit more. </span></p><h3><span style="color:hsl(0,0%,0%)">Don’t minimise the loss</span></h3><p><span style="color:hsl(0,0%,0%)">It is really important not to minimise a person’s loss – especially in relation to a child who has died.  Phrases like <i>“you can always have another child”</i> or <i>“at least you still have one child”</i> are, not helpful.  This is not a time to try to cheer someone up – no matter how well intentioned.  It is a time to meet our fellow human being in the midst of their suffering and to walk alongside them for a little bit. </span></p><h3><span style="color:hsl(0,0%,0%)">If in doubt</span></h3><p><span style="color:hsl(0,0%,0%)">Finally, if you are really struggling and don’t know what to say or how to say it – say nothing.  Silence is better than saying something that might be unhelpful or painful for the grieving parent to hear.</span></p><p><span style="color:hsl(0,0%,0%)">Final Note</span></p><p><span style="color:hsl(0,0%,0%)">The death of a child is one of the hardest losses that anyone may have to face.  It can be hard to know what to say to a parent in this situation. And yet, our care and support are needed by families at this most difficult time.  It does make a difference to the person who is bereaved to hear from friends, family and colleagues and to experience their support. By being aware of our own discomfort, keeping things simple, not being upset by silences, reaching out to the parent and letting them guide us to their grief, we can make a difficult situation a little less painful. </span></p><h3><span style="color:hsl(0,0%,0%)">Here is a free resource from LauraLynn:</span></h3><p><span style="color:hsl(0,0%,0%)">For those supporting a family with a child with a life-limiting illness:  </span><a href="https://www.lauralynn.ie/sites/default/files/scorm-courses/lauralynn_bereavement-support-staff/launch.html"><span style="color:hsl(0,0%,0%)">Learn how grief can affect families and how to communicate effectively with them</span></a></p>

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What to Say (and Not Say) to a Grieving Parent

<h3>Living with Death</h3><p>In recent years, the role of a Death Doula has gained recognition as part of a growing movement to bring more compassion, presence, and dignity to our end-of-life experience. Death Doulas journey alongside individuals and their loved ones as they navigate life’s final stage. Our work centres not on curing or treating, but on promoting dignity within the dying process and ensuring no one has to face it alone.</p><h3>What Is a Death Doula?</h3><p>A Death Doula, sometimes called an end-of-life Doula, is a non-medical professional trained to provide emotional, spiritual, and practical support at all stages of an individual’s illness and dying process. While doctors and nurses focus on clinical care, a Death Doula moves through the deeper levels of what it means to face one’s own mortality: fears, regrets, unfinished conversations, and the longing for peace.</p><p>We are present before, during, and sometimes after death, offering connection and calmness in a time that can feel uncertain and overwhelming.</p><h3>A Role That Adapts to Each Family’s Needs</h3><p>The role of a Death Doula can take many forms, depending on the needs of the individual and their family. For some, it may mean guiding legacy projects such as recording life stories, creating memory boxes, or writing letters to loved ones. For others, it could involve facilitating conversations about values, preferences, or how someone wishes to be remembered.</p><p>Doulas may also help with practical tasks: organising paperwork, coordinating with hospice teams, or creating a comforting environment at the bedside. Above all, we serve as a calm presence—listening without judgment, holding space for grief and love, and reminding families that death, while difficult, is also a natural part of life.</p><h3>Supporting Families Through the Unknown</h3><p>For families, the presence of a Death Doula can be profoundly reassuring. Many people enter the dying process unsure of what to expect, what to say, or how to cope. A Doula helps normalise what is happening, explaining signs and changes, and offering guidance on how loved ones can participate meaningfully.</p><p>We encourage open conversations, helping family members share words of gratitude, forgiveness, and farewell before it is too late. By reducing fear and fostering connection, Doulas can often transform what could feel like a time of crisis into a sacred period of closeness.</p><h3>Bringing Death Back Into the Light</h3><p>This work matters because, in our modern culture, death is often hidden away or treated only as a medical event. Many people die in hospitals or nursing facilities, far removed from rituals, community, and the comfort that can make dying less lonely.</p><p>A Death Doula brings focus back to the inevitability of death by helping people die in accordance with their wishes, surrounded by care, and with opportunities for closure. Families often report that their grief feels more bearable when they were able to participate fully and say what needed to be said.</p><h3>Walking Alongside Sorrow</h3><p>Ultimately, the gift of a Death Doula is not to erase sorrow but to walk alongside it. We remind people that final conversations—whether whispered at a bedside, written in a letter, or spoken in silence—carry profound meaning.</p><p>In supporting those last moments of honesty, love, and connection, Death Doulas honour the dignity of both the living and the leaving.</p>

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What Is a Death Doula? Compassionate Support at the End of Life

<h3>Rebuilding After Suicide Loss</h3><p>Rebuilding your life after the loss of someone close to suicide, might feel like an enormous challenge. But there is always hope. Despite all the difficult feelings and trauma – especially in the early days – we know that many people bereaved by suicide do eventually learn to embrace life again.</p><h3>Always Prioritise Yourself</h3><p>After someone dies, it may be that you look after everyone except yourself. Taking care of yourself should be a priority. It could just mean spending some time with friends, choosing to be alone and taking some time to yourself, or doing something nice for yourself, a treat. You may want different things on different days, but it is important to always look out for your own feelings and needs, and prioritize them.</p><h3>Find a Good Listener</h3><p>People who have been bereaved by suicide often say that the most helpful thing is to find someone (or more than one person) who can listen. They may not be the most obvious people; friends may not be as easy to talk to or as available as you might hope. Look out for people who will simply listen and let you ‘be you’.</p><h3>Meet Others Who Have Had a Similar Loss</h3><p>Some people who have been bereaved by suicide find it helps to connect with others who have been bereaved similarly. It may be helpful to connect with their feelings, and perhaps you may feel you are not alone. This could be through attending a support group or one-to-one support for people who have been bereaved by suicide.</p><h3>Use Some Self-Help</h3><p>Some people who are bereaved find it informative to read books on a broad range of topics, such as the psychology of suicide, the experiences of people bereaved by suicide, loss and grief. There are also many trusted online sources of information, as well as various podcasts available that may be useful for you.</p><p>For some, daily spiritual practice – including visits to the person’s grave or a place that was meaningful for them – can provide great solace. Equally, reassurance from clergy and other faith leaders may be helpful in the early days following a suicide. You might also find spiritual support in other places, or with self-care strategies such as getting gentle exercise, being in nature, or practicing relaxation, yoga or mindfulness.</p><h3>Getting Through</h3><p>Nobody can tell you how you should grieve; if anyone tries to do so, you can remind them that everyone grieves differently. Grieving for someone has a definite starting point but no definitive end. The truth is that you will always carry what has happened inside you.</p><p>You may find that some days all you can think about is the loss, and some days you can do some tasks or think a little about your next steps in life. You may switch between these on an hourly basis; this is natural. Sometimes it can feel as if grief takes over. But people bereaved by suicide say that one day, perhaps against expectations, you may find that there is space for something else – a plan, a hope. And one day, maybe there will be a little more space. It isn’t so much that your grief is growing smaller; it’s that your world is growing around the grief.</p><p><i>This article is adapted from </i><a href="https://www.healthpromotion.ie/products/you-are-not-alone-suicide-bereavement-support-guide"><i>You Are Not Alone, the national suicide bereavement support guide.</i></a></p><p><i>For more information from the HSE on bereavement, loss and suicide bereavement, visit </i><a href="https://www2.hse.ie/mental-health/life-situations-events/bereavement/"><i>www.hse.ie/grief</i></a><i>.</i></p><p><i>From the HSE National Office for Suicide Prevention.</i></p>

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Rebuilding After Suicide Loss: Finding Hope in the Aftermath

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Topic: Emotional Suppport