Facing Christmas After the Loss of a Child or Young Person

Christmas can be an unbearably difficult time when a child or young person has died. While the world around us seems busy preparing and celebrating, bereaved families may experience the season very differently. What once felt joyful can now bring waves of sadness, longing, and isolation.

The Buildup and the Day Itself

Over the years, many families have shared that one of the hardest parts is not only the day itself, but the buildup—the weeks of anticipation, the decorations appearing, the music in shops, the gentle or not-so-gentle reminders of what is missing. The thought of Christmas can be overwhelming, and yet when the day arrives, it may feel strangely ordinary: a day marked by a painful absence while the tasks of everyday living continue. This contrast can be deeply painful.

Questions in the Early Years of Bereavement

Especially in the early years of bereavement, families may wonder how they will survive their grief and face a new year. It is natural for parents to feel they simply want to “cancel” Christmas altogether. If this is your first year, you may feel confused and unsure of how to approach it. Many questions arise: Do we decorate the tree? Should we send cards? Attend the festive meal? Go to a family gathering? Some parents feel guilty if they choose to participate; others feel guilty if they don’t. In truth, there are no right or wrong answers—only what is right for you at this moment in time.

Carrying Loving Memory Forward

As the years pass, many families find ways to carry the loving memory of their child with them into future Christmas seasons. But for now, if you are grieving, please know that you are not alone. Many hold you in their thoughts and hearts during these tender weeks.

Suggestions for the Weeks Ahead

• Let yourself decide what is best for you. Do not allow others to dictate what you should or shouldn’t do. Grief is deeply personal, and only you can know what feels manageable.
• Leave room for change. Sometimes we do not know what we can face until the last moment. It is entirely acceptable to change plans or step back if you need to—those close to you will understand.
• Tell trusted friends or family what you need. You may wish to talk about your child—or you may not. Let others know how they can support you (be as specific [and realistic] as possible).
• Be mindful of younger children in the family. They may want Christmas to continue as before. Children grieve differently to adults, so talking together about what each of you wants or needs can help.
• Acknowledge how hard family gatherings can feel. Christmas is widely seen as a family time, which can be painfully difficult for parents without surviving children, or for parents whose family now feels incomplete. Being with others may be hard; being alone may be hard too. Be gentle and honest with yourself about what you need.
• Create a meaningful ritual. Some find comfort in lighting a candle, attending a remembrance service, visiting a special place, or placing a decoration or card in honour of their child.
• Consider a change of scene. For some, being away from home helps; for others, it can feel more isolating. Think about what support you may need before making this decision.
• Remember that New Year’s can also be emotionally charged. Even for those not grieving, the transition can be poignant. For some bereaved parents, the start of a new year may feel like moving further away from their child. Consider planning December 31st in a way that feels safe—whether that means being alone or with close, understanding friends. And please know: you will not forget your child. Their memory remains part of you always.