<p>The funeral is often seen as the final chapter in the grieving process – but in reality, it’s just one moment in a much longer journey. When the last guest leaves and the house goes quiet, many families find themselves asking: <i>What now?</i></p><p>Here’s what typically comes next – practically, emotionally, and socially.</p><h4>The Immediate Aftermath</h4><p>Once the funeral ends, there’s usually a brief lull. The whirlwind of planning has passed, guests have gone home, and you're left with silence. This is often when the grief hits in a new way. It’s normal to feel overwhelmed, flat, or even relieved. All of it is valid.</p><h4>Thank You Cards (But No Rush)</h4><p>There may be a sense of pressure to send thank-you cards straight away. If you want to, that’s lovely – but there’s no official deadline. Focus on the people who made a difference: the priest or celebrant, musician, caterer, florist, and close friends who helped behind the scenes. You can also ask someone to help write or post them – or skip cards altogether and thank people personally over time.</p><h4>Managing the House</h4><p>Depending on your situation, there may be food, flowers, or borrowed furniture to clear. You may want to return the space to normal – or leave it just as it was for a few days. Do what feels right. If there are perishables, consider donating leftovers or asking someone to help you clean up.</p><h4>Ashes and Keepsakes</h4><p>If it was a cremation, you’ll usually receive the<a href="https://rip.ie/grief-and-bereavement-support/7-thoughtful-things-to-do-with-ashes-209"> ashes </a>within a few days. There’s no need to rush any decisions – many families keep them for months, even years. Whether you choose to scatter, share, bury, or keep them in an urn or keepsake is completely up to you. Don’t feel pressured.</p><h4>Admin, Paperwork &amp; Practical Tasks</h4><p>There are still some boxes to tick: closing accounts, <a href="https://rip.ie/legal-and-financial-advice/dealing-with-the-debts-of-a-deceased-family-member-278">dealing with banks</a>, insurance, tax, pensions, subscriptions, and legal affairs. Start a simple checklist and tackle one or two tasks at a time. If a solicitor is involved, they’ll help guide you. You’re not expected to do everything at once.</p><h4>Checking In on Others – and Yourself</h4><p>Some people need to stay busy; others retreat. Keep an eye on elderly relatives or children, and don’t forget to check in with yourself too. Bereavement support services, counselling, or <a href="https://rip.ie/grief-and-bereavement-support/how-to-support-a-friend-whos-grieving-214">simply a chat with a friend </a>can help more than you might think.</p><h4>Memorials &amp; Marking Anniversaries</h4><p>Many people hold a Month’s Mind mass, a lunch, or a small gathering to mark a month since the death. Others wait for a birthday or first anniversary. Again, there’s no rulebook. Do what feels right for your family.</p><h4>Grief Doesn’t Work to a Timeline</h4><p>There’s no ‘back to normal’ date. The first few weeks can feel surreal. Even as life restarts, grief lingers in different ways. Give yourself permission to laugh again, to cry unexpectedly, and to take things slow. The funeral might be over – but your love for that person carries on.</p>

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Life After the Funeral: What Happens Next?

<p>Social media is a highly influential aspect of our daily lives. Online accounts and digital data play an important part in our legacy. When someone passes away, families often find themselves unsure of how to manage the digital assets of the deceased. From precious photos and videos to personal messages, the digital footprint left behind can be both meaningful and complicated. Understanding how major platforms handle the accounts of deceased users can help families make informed decisions and preserve memories respectfully.</p><h2>What Digital Legacy Means</h2><p>These days, so much of who we are and how we interact is now captured in the digital world. A digital legacy includes all the content associated with a person's online accounts. This can range from social media profiles to photos, emails, and cloud-stored documents. Managing a digital legacy ensures that memories are preserved, privacy is respected, and accounts are handled according to the wishes of the deceased. It also helps prevent unauthorised access or misuse of personal information after death, providing clarity and peace of mind for bereaved family members. </p><h2>Major Platform Policies</h2><h4><strong>Facebook</strong></h4><p>Accounts can be memorised or permanently deleted. Memorialisation freezes the account while preserving posts, photos, and messages. Users also have the option to designate a “legacy contact” to their account. This contact can manage the account, including posting tributes and responding to friend requests, while being unable to read private messages or unfriend pre-existing friends. </p><h4><strong>Instagram</strong></h4><p>Instagram accounts can be <span style="font-family:&quot;Aptos&quot;,sans-serif">memorialised </span>or deleted permanently. Verified family members must provide proof of death to request a change. Instagram does not allow for legacy contacts, so including instructions in a will is recommended for access.</p><h4>TikTok</h4><p>TikTok does not offer any form of memorialisation. Family or legal representatives can request account deactivation and deletion with proof of death, or deletion can be done directly if login details are available. Accounts that have been inactive for 180 days may have usernames changed, but previously posted videos remain visible.</p><h4>Email</h4><ul><li><strong>Google: </strong>Offers an Inactive Account Manager to designate access or deletion. Family members can request closure or, in some cases, content access.</li><li><strong>Apple: </strong>Users can assign a Legacy Contract for a trusted person to have access after death. Without one, family members need legal documents, such as a death certificate, to request access or deletion.</li><li><strong>Microsoft: </strong>F<span style="font-family:&quot;Aptos&quot;,sans-serif">amily members can close an account if they know the credentials. Otherwise, accounts are automatically closed after two years of inactivity. </span></li><li><strong>Yahoo:</strong><span style="font-family:&quot;Aptos&quot;,sans-serif"> Family members can request account closure, </span><a href="https://rip.ie/legal-and-financial-advice/timeline-and-plan-for-financial-matters-after-a-loved-one-dies-301"><span style="font-family:&quot;Aptos&quot;,sans-serif">suspension of billing or premium services</span></a><span style="font-family:&quot;Aptos&quot;,sans-serif">, and, in certain cases, access to account content. Yahoo cannot provide passwords or transfer accounts, as all accounts are non-transferable</span></li></ul><h4>LinkedIn</h4><p>Authorised family members or <a href="https://rip.ie/legal-and-financial-advice/youve-been-named-executor-in-a-will-what-to-do-next-265">executors </a>can request profile removal with legal documentation. Otherwise, they can report a deceased member, prompting LinkedIn to memorialise the profile.</p><h4>X/Twitter</h4><p>For X, a family member or authorized person can ask to deactivate a deceased user’s account. You’ll need to provide information about the person, your ID, and their death certificate. X does not give anyone access to the account.</p><h2>Practical Steps for Families</h2><p>Start by gathering account details such as usernames, emails, and platform information. Submit requests according to each platform's process, including providing necessary legal documents. Download important photos, messages, or files where possible to preserve memories. Throughout, respect the deceased's privacy and wishes, and consult platform guidelines or legal advisors if needed.</p><h2>Planning</h2><p><a href="https://rip.ie/legal-and-financial-advice/why-make-a-will-254">Including digital legacy instructions in your will is increasingly recommended.</a> This can specify how your social media accounts, emails, and online content should be handled, who should have access, and what should be preserved or deleted, helping your family to manage these matters easily and respectfully.</p><p>Digital legacies are an essential part of modern life. Planning ahead and understanding platform policies ensures your digital memories are preserved while respecting your privacy and wishes.<br /><br /> </p><p> </p>

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Digital Legacy: What Happens to Social Media When Someone Dies? 

<p>When someone passes away, words often feel inadequate. In Ireland, traditional phrases in Irish (Gaeilge) offer a heartfelt way to express sympathy and honour cultural heritage. While “Rest in Peace” is the most familiar expression in English, the Irish equivalent carries a unique sense of peace and tradition.</p><p>In this guide, you’ll learn:</p><ul><li>How to say “Rest in Peace” in Irish</li><li>Other comforting Irish words and blessings</li><li>Their meanings and pronunciation</li><li>Tips for using them in sympathy cards or messages</li></ul><h3>The Irish for “Rest in Peace”</h3><p>The simplest and most direct translation is:</p><p><strong>Sos sa tsíocháin</strong></p><p><strong>Meaning:</strong> <i>Rest in peace</i><br /><strong>Pronunciation:</strong> <i>Suss sah tee-oh-kawn</i></p><p>This phrase is short, elegant, and perfect for sympathy cards, memorial notices, or inscriptions.</p><h3>Other Comforting Irish Words and Blessings</h3><p>Here are some alternative expressions that convey peace and hope:</p><p><strong>1. I suaimhneas na síoraíochta</strong></p><p><strong>Meaning:</strong> <i>In the peace of eternity</i><br /><strong>Pronunciation:</strong> <i>Ee soo-iv-ness nah shee-ree-uk-ta</i><br />A poetic phrase often used in prayers and memorials.</p><p><strong>2. Go raibh síocháin na bhFlaitheas air/uirthi</strong></p><p><strong>Meaning:</strong> <i>May the peace of Heaven be upon him/her</i><br /><strong>Pronunciation:</strong> <i>Guh rev shee-kawn nah vlah-has air / ur-hee</i><br />A comforting blessing for eternal rest.</p><p><strong>3. Go lonraí solas na bhFlaitheas air/uirthi</strong></p><p><strong>Meaning:</strong> <i>May the light of Heaven shine upon him/her</i><br /><strong>Pronunciation:</strong> <i>Guh lun-ree sull-us nah vlah-has air / ur-hee</i><br />A hopeful phrase expressing divine light and peace.</p><p><strong>4. Go dtuga Dia suaimhneas síoraí dó/di</strong></p><p><strong>Meaning:</strong> <i>May God grant him/her eternal peace</i><br /><strong>Pronunciation:</strong> <i>Guh dug-a Dee-a soo-iv-ness shee-ree doh / dee</i><br />A prayerful expression of comfort and faith.</p><p><strong>5. Go gcastar le chéile arís sibh</strong></p><p><strong>Meaning:</strong> <i>May you meet again</i><br /><strong>Pronunciation:</strong> <i>Guh gos-tar leh kyay-la ah-reesh shiv</i><br />A phrase of hope for reunion beyond this life.</p><h3>Tips for Using Irish Phrases</h3><ul><li><strong>Pair Irish with English:</strong> This ensures clarity while adding cultural depth.</li><li><strong>Choose short blessings for cards:</strong> Longer phrases work well in memorial books or speeches.</li><li><strong>Don’t worry about perfect pronunciation:</strong> Writing the phrase is enough to convey your sentiment.</li></ul><h3>Why These Words Matter</h3><p>Irish condolence phrases reflect centuries of tradition, faith, and community. Including them in your message is a way to honour Irish heritage, offer comfort through familiar blessings, and create a personal, meaningful tribute</p><h3>Looking for Sympathy Cards?</h3><p>Browse our range of<a href="https://shop.rip.ie/ecc/products.php?cat=4"> <strong>Irish-themed sympathy cards</strong> here</a>.</p><p><strong>Related Reading:</strong><br /><a href="https://rip.ie/grief-and-bereavement-support/common-irish-phrases-for-sympathy-cards-with-pronunciation-309">Common Irish Phrases for Sympathy Cards – With Pronunciation</a></p>

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How to Say “Rest in Peace” in Irish – And Other Comforting Words

<p>Adding an Irish phrase to a <a href="https://shop.rip.ie/ecc/products.php?cat=4">sympathy card</a> is a beautiful way to honour tradition and express heartfelt condolences. Whether you’re writing to family, friends, or colleagues, these words carry deep cultural meaning and offer comfort during times of loss.</p><p>In this guide, we’ll share popular Irish phrases for sympathy cards, their English meanings, and phonetic pronunciation so you can use them with confidence. We’ll also explore the cultural significance of Irish condolences and tips for writing a thoughtful message.</p><h3>Why Include Irish in a Sympathy Card?</h3><p>Irish (Gaeilge) is more than a language; it’s a connection to heritage, identity, and shared values. Using Irish phrases in sympathy messages:</p><ul><li><strong>Adds a personal touch</strong> rooted in tradition.</li><li><strong>Shows respect</strong> for the deceased and their family.</li><li><strong>Offers comfort</strong> through words that have been used for generations.</li></ul><p>Even if you’re not fluent, a short phrase can make your message more meaningful.</p><h3>Top Irish Phrases for Sympathy Cards</h3><p><strong>1. Le comhbhrón ó chroí</strong></p><p><strong>Meaning:</strong> <i>With heartfelt sympathy</i><br /><strong>Pronunciation:</strong> <i>Leh khom-vrone oh khree</i><br />A simple, sincere phrase suitable for any sympathy card.</p><p><strong>2. Ar dheis Dé go raibh a anam dílis</strong></p><p><strong>Meaning:</strong> <i>May his/her faithful soul be at God’s right hand</i><br /><strong>Pronunciation:</strong> <i>Ar yesh Day guh rev a anum deelish</i><br />A traditional blessing often seen in Irish obituaries and memorials.</p><p><strong>3. Suaimhneas síoraí dá anam</strong></p><p><strong>Meaning:</strong> <i>Eternal peace to his/her soul</i><br /><strong>Pronunciation:</strong> <i>Soo-iv-ness shee-ree daw anum</i><br />A gentle, comforting phrase for wishing peace to the departed.</p><p><strong>4. Beannacht Dé lena anam</strong></p><p><strong>Meaning:</strong> <i>God’s blessing on his/her soul</i><br /><strong>Pronunciation:</strong> <i>Ban-okt Day lenna anum</i><br />Short and reverent. Perfect for cards or memorial notes.</p><p><strong>5. Go ndéana Dia trócaire ar a anam</strong></p><p><strong>Meaning:</strong> <i>May God have mercy on his/her soul</i><br /><strong>Pronunciation:</strong> <i>Guh nay-na Dee-a troh-kra ar a anum</i><br />A deeply traditional expression of sympathy and prayer.</p><h3>Tips for Writing a Sympathy Card</h3><ul><li><strong>Combine Irish and English:</strong> Pair the Irish phrase with an English message for clarity.</li><li><strong>Keep it simple:</strong> A short phrase and a heartfelt note are enough.</li><li><strong>Handwritten adds warmth:</strong> Writing the phrase by hand makes it more personal.</li><li><strong>Don’t worry about perfection:</strong> It’s the sentiment that matters most.</li></ul><h3>Cultural Context: Irish Condolence Traditions</h3><p>In Ireland, expressing sympathy often includes blessings and prayers for the deceased. These phrases reflect a strong spiritual tradition and a sense of community support during grief. Including them in your message honours this heritage and offers comfort rooted in shared values.</p><h3>Looking for Sympathy Cards?</h3><p>Browse our range of<a href="https://shop.rip.ie/ecc/products.php?cat=4"><strong> RIP.ie sympathy cards</strong> here.</a></p><p><strong>Related Reading:</strong><br /><a href="https://rip.ie/grief-and-bereavement-support/condolences-in-irish-comhbhron-as-gaeilge-281">Condolences in Irish – Comhbhrón as Gaeilge</a></p>

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Common Irish Phrases for Sympathy Cards – With Pronunciation

<p>Grief is heavy. Sometimes it feels like a sack of flour sitting on your chest. The world keeps spinning around you like nothing has happened, but inside your mind, body, and soul, you feel utterly depleted and lost. Even the smallest tasks can seem impossible, and doing something nice for yourself might feel out of reach. But it’s important to try. Small acts of kindness toward yourself can help you breathe through the weight of loss.</p><p>If things feel unmanageable or you’re struggling to cope, please consider reaching out for professional support. Talking to a counsellor or a bereavement service can make a real difference.</p><p>Here are some ways to be kind to yourself, even on those heavy days:</p><h3>1. Allow Yourself to Feel</h3><p>Grief isn’t something to “get over.” It’s something to move through. Give yourself permission to cry, to feel angry, or even to laugh when memories bring joy. There’s no right or wrong way to grieve.</p><h3>2. Rest Without Guilt</h3><p>Loss is exhausting emotionally and physically. If you need extra sleep or quiet time, take it. Cancel plans if you have to. Rest is not laziness; it’s recovery.</p><h3>3. Create a Small Ritual</h3><p>Light a candle, play a favourite song, or visit a place that reminds you of your loved one. Rituals give structure to grief and help you feel connected.<br /><i>(Explore our </i><a href="https://shop.rip.ie/ecc/products.php?cat=8"><i>remembrance candles here.</i></a><i>)</i></p><h3>4. Accept Help</h3><p>If someone offers to cook a meal, run an errand, or simply sit with you, say yes. Letting others support you is a sign of strength, not weakness.</p><h3>5. Nourish Your Body</h3><p>Grief can disrupt appetite and energy. Try to eat simple, comforting meals and drink plenty of water. Even small steps like a cup of tea can feel grounding.</p><h3>6. Spend Time Outdoors</h3><p>Fresh air and nature can soothe a heavy heart. A short walk by the canal, a moment in the garden, or sitting under a tree can bring calm.</p><h3>7. Speak Kindly to Yourself</h3><p>Notice your inner voice. Replace “I should be stronger” with “I’m doing my best.” Healing takes time. Give yourself grace.</p><h3>Remember: There’s No Timeline</h3><p>Grief doesn’t follow a schedule. Some days will feel harder than others. That’s okay. What matters is finding small ways to care for yourself as you navigate this journey.</p><h4>Related Reading:<br /><a href="https://rip.ie/grief-and-bereavement-support/lighting-a-candle-for-the-departed-irish-customs-explained-316">Lighting a Candle for the Departed – Irish Customs Explained</a></h4>

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7 Simple Ways to Be Kind to Yourself While You Are Grieving

<h3>Grief Is Personal</h3><p>How you grieve, and the emotions you may experience when someone dies by suicide, are unique to you – just as individual as your fingerprint. Each person is affected in their own way because everyone is different, even within the same family. You had your own relationship with the person who died, your own experiences with loss, and your own way of expressing emotions.</p><h3>How Are You Feeling?</h3><p>People often ask ‘how are you feeling?’ and this can sometimes be impossible to answer. When someone dies suddenly, you can be left with an overwhelming array of feelings and thoughts. The following are just some of the feelings and thoughts you might be experiencing. You might experience some of these more than others, or they might come and go over time. Others, you might not experience at all, and that’s ok too.</p><ul><li>Sadness</li><li>Numbness</li><li>Anger</li><li>Defensiveness</li><li>Depression and anxiety</li><li>Despair and suicidal thoughts</li><li>Disbelief</li><li>Fear</li><li>Regret</li><li>Feeling stigmatised or judged by others</li><li>A sense of longing</li><li>Rejection</li><li>Shock</li><li>Searching</li><li>Relief</li><li>Acceptance</li></ul><h3>The Depth of Grief</h3><p>The depth of feeling associated with suicide loss can affect all aspects of your being: mental, physical, emotional and spiritual. In just a short period of time, you can use up your energy and feel overwhelmed and exhausted, and the intensity of some feelings might feel overwhelming at times. You can expect some physical reactions to your grief, e.g., headaches, loss of appetite, and inability to sleep. Your GP can give you advice about coping with these reactions, if needed.</p><h3>Nurturing Yourself Through Grief</h3><p>It is really important to nurture yourself on your grief journey. Here are some things to remember:</p><ul><li>Know you can survive. You may not think so but you can.</li><li>You might struggle with “why” it happened, until you no longer need to know “why” or until you are satisfied with some, or no answers. Wear out your questions, anger, guilt, or other feelings until you can let them go. Letting go doesn’t mean forgetting.</li><li>Be aware you may feel inappropriate anger at the person, at the world, at God, at yourself. It’s okay to express this anger safely.</li><li>Accept that you may feel guilty for what you think you did, or did not do.</li><li>Know that having suicidal thoughts is common. It does not mean that you will act on these thoughts. However, seek help if you have frequent suicidal thoughts or if you are thinking of acting on them. Talk to your GP anytime, or to the Emergency Department of your nearest hospital if you feel at risk of harm.</li><li>Take one moment or one day at a time.</li><li>Find a good listener with whom to share.</li><li>Don’t be afraid to cry. Tears are healing.</li><li>Try to put off major decisions.</li><li>Be patient with yourself and with others who may not understand.</li><li>Know that you will never be the same again, but find hope – that you can survive and even go beyond just surviving.</li><li>Be kind and gentle with yourself.</li></ul><p><i>This article is adapted from </i><a href="https://www.healthpromotion.ie/products/you-are-not-alone-suicide-bereavement-support-guide"><i>You Are Not Alone, the national suicide bereavement support guide.</i></a></p><p><i>For more information from the HSE on bereavement, loss and suicide bereavement, visit </i><a href="https://www2.hse.ie/mental-health/life-situations-events/bereavement/"><i>www.hse.ie/grief</i></a><i>.</i></p><p><i>From the HSE National Office for Suicide Prevention.</i></p>

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Bereaved by Suicide: Understanding Your Grief, Your Way

<p>A sudden death brings an added layer of distress and emotion. Adults often feel confused, shocked, and unprepared, struggling to accept what has happened. Children, too, are caught off guard—and the dependable adults they rely on may suddenly seem unable to cope in the way they expect.</p><h3>Supporting Children When Parents Are Overwhelmed</h3><p>It’s completely understandable that parents may be struggling in the aftermath of a sudden death. However, children need routine and structure to help them make sense of the situation. A trusted family member, someone familiar and liked by the children, can step in to care for them and offer explanations (in consultation with the parents). Keeping children within the family circle and ensuring they feel seen and supported is essential, especially if parents are temporarily unavailable.</p><h3>Explaining the Cause of Death Clearly</h3><p>If the cause of death is clear, such as a road traffic accident, there’s no mystery. But if the cause is unknown, like a sudden medical issue, it’s important to explain that a post mortem (a medical examination) will be carried out to determine what happened. Let children know that the results may take time, and reassure them that they will be told what is discovered. It’s vital to keep this promise.</p><h3>Helping Children Make Sense of Adult Conversations</h3><p>In the wake of a sudden death, people often gather, talk, and speculate about what happened. Children may overhear these conversations and misunderstand what they hear. The designated adult should check in with the children, ask what they’ve heard, and gently clarify any confusion.</p><h3>Including Children in Funeral Rites</h3><p>Because the death was unexpected, there may have been no opportunity to prepare children for<a href="https://rip.ie/grief-and-bereavement-support/explaining-cremation-to-children-a-gentle-guide-for-parents-and-guardians-232"> funeral rites</a> or discuss how they’d like to be involved. The caring adult plays a key role here, helping children understand what’s happening and supporting their choices about participation.</p><h3>When a Child Wants to See the Deceased</h3><p>If a child expresses a wish to see the person who has died, and is properly prepared and supported, this can be helpful for their long-term adjustment. When the last memory of the deceased is of someone healthy and well, seeing the body can help the child begin to accept the reality of the loss.</p><h3>In summary:</h3><p>The most effective way to support a child after a sudden bereavement is for a trusted adult to offer clear information, gentle guidance, and consistent structure, while staying in close communication with the parents. Aim to provide a calm environment for part of the day. Avoid removing the child entirely from familiar surroundings, though a short break in a quieter setting can be helpful. Listen closely, and make sure they’re not overwhelmed by adult conversations they don’t understand.</p><p><strong>Next Read:</strong> <a href="https://rip.ie/grief-and-bereavement-support/how-children-understand-death-age-appropriate-support-for-grieving-233">How Children Understand Death: Age-Appropriate Support for Grieving</a></p>

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Helping a Child Cope with Sudden Death: Guidance for Parents and Carers

<p><span style="color:hsl(0,0%,0%)"><i>Breffni Mc Guinness, Bereavement Coordinator, LauraLynn, Ireland’s Children’s Hospice.</i></span></p><p><span style="color:hsl(0,0%,0%)">The death of a child is one of the most difficult deaths that anyone may have to face. If it is one of our colleagues who has experienced this tragedy we can sometimes be at a loss to know how to support them.</span></p><p><span style="color:hsl(0,0%,0%)">While there is no easy quick fix for grief, especially when it is a child who has died, there are things that we can do as managers and colleagues and that can make a difference to the person who is grieving.</span></p><h3><span style="color:hsl(0,0%,0%)">Bereavement First Aid</span></h3><p><span style="color:hsl(0,0%,0%)">There are three practical steps that we call Bereavement First Aid which can really help.  These are: Acknowledge, Validate and Support or AVS.</span></p><h4><span style="color:hsl(0,0%,0%)">Acknowledge</span></h4><p><span style="color:hsl(0,0%,0%)">It is important to acknowledge what has happened and to mention the child’s name  </span></p><p><span style="color:hsl(0,0%,0%)">E.g. <i>“Mary, I am so sorry to hear about James”,</i> </span></p><h4><span style="color:hsl(0,0%,0%)">Validate</span></h4><p><span style="color:hsl(0,0%,0%)">Validate the experience and feelings of the person who is grieving.  A colleague who is bereaved may say that they are sad, devastated, angry, broken, in bits etc. it is important to validate these feelings by saying something like:</span></p><p><span style="color:hsl(0,0%,0%)">E.g.  <i>“It is totally understandable you are feeling like that given what has happened</i>”</span></p><h4><span style="color:hsl(0,0%,0%)">Support</span></h4><p><span style="color:hsl(0,0%,0%)">Offer support to your colleague who is grieving.  It is really helpful to check with the person about what might be most helpful for them.</span></p><p><span style="color:hsl(0,0%,0%)">E.g. <i>“I would really like to support you, what would be most helpful for you now?”</i></span></p><p><span style="color:hsl(0,0%,0%)">Along with bereavement first aid, there are also some other things that can be helpful and some that are not so helpful.</span></p><h3><span style="color:hsl(0,0%,0%)">What is helpful:</span></h3><p><span style="color:hsl(0,0%,0%)">Reach out, be yourself and don’t worry about being perfect. We may feel a bit uncomfortable reaching out to a colleague who is bereaved – this is normal – but it is important not to let this stop us.  The most important thing is to take the risk to engage with your colleague. </span></p><p><span style="color:hsl(0,0%,0%)">Listen. Very often it’s hard to know what you can do for a colleague who is grieving, but one thing that really makes a difference is making time to listen to them. Just offer to chat if the person wants to - if they don’t no problem – at least they know that you care enough to check with them. If they do want to chat – just listen – and then listen a bit more.</span></p><p><span style="color:hsl(0,0%,0%)">Your support will be required not just in the initial weeks and months but over a longer period. It takes a minimum of three years for someone to come to terms with the major aspects of the death of their child. For your colleague who is grieving, they will need your support during this time and beyond. </span></p><h3><span style="color:hsl(0,0%,0%)">What isn’t helpful: </span></h3><p><span style="color:hsl(0,0%,0%)">Avoiding your bereaved colleague and acting as if nothing has happened – something has happened, and it is better to be open about this. </span></p><p><span style="color:hsl(0,0%,0%)">Minimising their loss – phrases such as ‘at least you have two more children’ or ‘you can have another child’ <i>(yes – these things have been said)</i> do not help the person who is grieving. If you are not sure what to say – say nothing.</span></p><p><span style="color:hsl(0,0%,0%)">Making a fuss – most people who are bereaved want to be treated as normally as possible at work and do not want to stand out. Be sensitive and respect their wishes. </span></p><p><span style="color:hsl(0,0%,0%)">Expecting the person to be back to normal – people never go ‘back to normal’ because normal included their child who has died. In time they adapt to a ‘new normal’.</span></p><h3><span style="color:hsl(0,0%,0%)">For Managers</span></h3><p><span style="color:hsl(0,0%,0%)">If you are a manager, you have an important role to play in helping a person who is grieving the death of their child.  Communication is really important – contact the employee and ask how you can be a support to them – especially in relation to your organisation’s bereavement policy, flexibility in work arrangements, their entitlements, etc.   It is important to strike a balance between allowing the colleague who is bereaved to continue to contribute (their work may be very important to them) while also not putting them under undue pressure.</span></p><h3><span style="color:hsl(0,0%,0%)">Final Note</span></h3><p><span style="color:hsl(0,0%,0%)">The death of a child is one of the hardest losses that an employee may have to face.  As a manager or a colleague, you can make a real difference to your bereaved colleague by reaching out with compassion and a listening ear. The three steps of Bereavement First Aid – Acknowledging, Validating and Supporting provide a simple roadmap for how you can do this. Above all, be brave, reach out and listen to your bereaved colleague rather than avoid them.  Care and compassion will go a long way. </span></p><h3><span style="color:hsl(0,0%,0%)">Here is a free resource from LauraLynn:</span></h3><p><span style="color:hsl(0,0%,0%)">For those supporting a family with a child with a life-limiting illness:  </span><a href="https://www.lauralynn.ie/sites/default/files/scorm-courses/lauralynn_bereavement-support-staff/launch.html"><span style="color:hsl(0,0%,0%)">Learn how grief can affect families and how to communicate effectively with them</span></a></p>

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How to Support a Bereaved Parent at Work

<p><i>In this deeply personal piece, </i><a href="https://darranbourke.com/"><i>Darran Bourke</i></a><i> — a Tipperary-based funeral singer — reflects on the emotional and spiritual role music plays in helping families navigate grief. Drawing from his own experiences and faith, Darran shares how singing at funerals is far more than a performance; it’s an act of compassion, connection, and care.</i></p><h3>The Practical and the Personal</h3><p>Some people, I feel, look at what I do as being very practical: I turn up, I sing the hymns, I pack up, and I leave. And they’re not entirely wrong. But I would argue there’s also a very spiritual and compassionate side to it. If I only looked at a funeral from a practical standpoint, I wouldn’t be very good at my job. If I can’t put any feeling into what I’m singing, then who in their right mind would hire me?</p><h3>Understanding Grief, One Family at a Time</h3><p>There are a lot of elements to a funeral from a singer’s perspective, a lot of things we need to know, like the <a href="https://rip.ie/grief-and-bereavement-support/funeral-mass-and-service-readings-formats-and-resources-292">funeral mass and the running order</a> of the service, and so on. To put a personal stamp on each funeral, it’s also essential to know something about the person who has passed, to get to know them a little, and to understand their family.</p><h3>No Two Losses Are the Same</h3><p>You see, everybody is different. Everybody’s grief is different, and grief varies in so many ways; it all depends on the circumstances of a loved one’s passing. For example, sudden death, a tragic ending, a long illness, or an elderly person who’s lived a full life, all of these hurt differently. And then each individual suffers differently. If a man dies leaving behind a wife and children, it’s an entirely different loss for his wife than it is for his children. The only thing that unites them all is that, no matter the age or the circumstance of death, the loss is always big.</p><h3>Bringing Empathy to the Conversation</h3><p>And I think everybody should know that. Everyone should know and understand what a person is most likely to be going through in times of loss. Most of us have been there. For me, as a funeral singer who has also experienced many personal losses, both among friends and family, it has definitely helped me become more understanding and empathetic towards the families I meet during their time of loss. Because I’ve experienced my own loss, I have a sense of theirs.</p><p>It’s given me the understanding that I must make the conversation I’m about to have with a family as stress-free and as gentle as I possibly can. I try to give them the basic information, like the format of the mass and where hymns and songs can be placed, and to find out all I can about the person, which might help me suggest hymns and songs to the family.</p><h3>Listening and Responding in the Moment</h3><p>There are often times when a family is happy to just trust my judgement when it comes to choosing the hymns and songs. Because of this, I always listen to the words of the priest and his perspective, and I listen to the <a href="https://rip.ie/grief-and-bereavement-support/how-to-write-a-eulogy-a-guide-to-creating-a-meaningful-tribute-290">eulogy,</a> as it might often lead me to change direction when it comes to choosing hymns or coming up with appropriate song ideas. </p><p>Then, on the day of the funeral, it’s just about being there in the moment, giving everything of myself to that soul and to the <a href="https://rip.ie/grief-and-bereavement-support/poems-and-verses-for-remembering-loved-ones-ripie-291">family who mourn</a>.</p><h3>Faith, Compassion, and the Power of Song</h3><p>I have a deep faith in my Christian beliefs, so for me personally, when it comes to singing at a funeral, I’m singing to praise God and to pray for the soul who lies before Him in song, so that they may enter His Heavenly Kingdom. I’m also singing in prayer to give comfort and strength to the family who mourns.</p><p>I have also sung at a handful of secular funerals—though I don’t get that many—but while the format is different, the empathy and the compassion are the very same. Because again, while I can’t possibly comprehend an individual’s grief, I can understand what they’re going through.</p><h3>A Lasting Gift</h3><p>I think it was Saint Augustine who said, “He who sings, prays twice.”<br />I believe that it’s one of the most important jobs a singer will ever have the honour of doing: singing for a soul and giving a family some level of solace in their time of need. And while there is a practical end to singing for a funeral, the emotional and spiritual end live on in the hearts of those in mourning.</p><figure class="media"><div data-oembed-url="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KDGhl-MKtzY"><div style="position:relative;padding-bottom:100%;height:0;padding-bottom:56.2493%"><iframe src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/KDGhl-MKtzY" style="position:absolute;width:100%;height:100%;top:0;left:0" frameborder="0" allow="autoplay; encrypted-media" allowfullscreen></iframe></div></div></figure>

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More Than a Voice: The Compassionate Work of a Funeral Singer

<h3><strong>When You Feel Numb Or Disconnected</strong></h3><p>Grief does not always arrive in waves of strong emotions. Sometimes instead of crying or shouting, you may feel very little at all. You might feel like you’re watching life happen at a distance, as though they are going through the motions on autopilot. Some might call it numbness; others might call it emptiness.</p><p>This is the nervous system’s way of protecting you. Just as it can launch into fight or flight when it senses danger or stress, it can also shut down into what’s called the ‘freeze’ response. When experiences become too overwhelming to process, the body can slow down, energy drops and emotions can switch off.</p><p>Numbness can be your body’s attempt to cope but when it lingers, it can bring confusion or even guilt. You may long to feel something, as though you ‘should’ be feeling more but it seems out of reach.</p><h3><strong>One Breath At A Time</strong></h3><p>The way back is not to force feeling, but to gently invite connection back, one small step at a time. Your breath can be a steady companion here. It is always present, always moving. By paying attention to it, you can notice what is already there, helping you bridge the gap between your body and mind.</p><h3><strong>A Grounding Breath, To Gently Reconnect With Yourself</strong></h3><p>This is not about changing your breath, you are simply noticing it, tuning into the steady rhythm of inhales and exhales. The shift may be subtle. Each inhale and exhale becomes a thread of connection allowing a little more presence and reassurance that you are still here.</p><figure class="media"><div data-oembed-url="https://youtu.be/yFJ36MSQbxY?si=04-JwtyzIAjIL9QE"><div style="position:relative;padding-bottom:100%;height:0;padding-bottom:56.2493%"><iframe src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/yFJ36MSQbxY" style="position:absolute;width:100%;height:100%;top:0;left:0" frameborder="0" allow="autoplay; encrypted-media" allowfullscreen></iframe></div></div></figure><h3><strong>Try This Gentle Breathing Technique</strong></h3><p>To practice this breathing technique, find a place where you feel as comfortable as possible, whether sitting or lying down. Close your eyes or simply soften your gaze. If it is comfortable for you, rest one hand on your chest and one hand on your belly. Feel the surface beneath you holding your weight, steady and supportive and allow your body to settle.</p><p><strong>1. Begin by bringing your attention to your breath. Don't change anything yet, just focus on how your breath is right now in this moment.</strong></p><ul><li>Is it high in your chest or low in your belly?</li><li>Is it quick or is it slow?</li><li>Is it gentle or is it heavy?</li><li>Notice how cool the air feels as you breathe in through your nose and slightly warmer as you breathe out.</li></ul><p><strong>2. Start to gently guide your breath into a smooth rhythm and silently say to yourself: ‘I am breathing in. I am breathing out.’</strong></p><ul><li>Inhale slowly through your nose and low into your belly.</li><li>Exhale slowly through your mouth or nose, whatever feels easy for you.</li><li>Breathing gently with no force or effort.</li></ul><p><strong>3. Let your breath move like waves. Steady and continuous.</strong></p><ul><li>Imagine each inhale is like a wave rolling gently into shore.</li><li>Imagine each exhale is that wave flowing calmly back out to sea.</li></ul><p><strong>4. Notice now how you have created a natural rhythm to your breathing.</strong></p><ul><li>With every gentle exhale, imagine you are breathing out the tension in your body.</li><li>With every inhale, imagine you are breathing in calm and strength.</li></ul><p><strong>5. Breathe like this for a few minutes.</strong></p><ul><li>If your mind drifts, gently return to the words &amp; the movement of your hands as they rise and fall with your breath.</li></ul><h3><strong>Notice What Changes</strong></h3><p>Notice how your body is responding. Perhaps you feel your shoulders relaxing and your belly softening? You may or may not feel different right away. That’s okay. This practice isn’t about forcing feelings to return. It’s about creating a thread of connection, however small. Over time, these moments can remind your body that it is safe enough to soften and reconnect.</p><h3><strong>Your Breath Is Always With You</strong></h3><p>You can return to this practice anytime. You don’t need special equipment, or a long session. Even a few minutes using this technique can make a difference. Your breath is always with you.</p><p>Over time, these moments of calm accumulate, creating more space for you to meet life as it is.</p><p>Your breath won’t erase life’s challenges, but it can remind you that with every inhale and every exhale, you carry a simple, effective tool to help bring your mind and body back from overwhelm to greater ease.</p><h3><strong>A Gentle Reminder</strong></h3><p>Think of these practices as gentle tools you can reach for to support your wellbeing. They don’t replace medical or therapeutic care. Please only do what feels supportive for you, and if anything doesn’t feel right, simply return to your natural breath.</p><p>If you or a loved one is struggling with ongoing or overwhelming distress, I encourage you to reach out to a healthcare or mental health professional for extra support.</p>

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When You Feel Numb Or Disconnected: One Breath At A Time.

<h3>Grief and Responsibility Collide</h3><p>After the unimaginable happens, a farm family is left to process their grief while facing the reality of running a farm business that cannot pause. Embrace FARM offers both practical and emotional support in the aftermath of serious injury or sudden death.</p><p>Referencing their own publication, <i>“What Happens to the Farm Now? A Practical Supports Booklet,”</i> Embrace FARM provides guidance on what steps to take next.</p><h3>A High-Risk Sector with Deep Impact</h3><p>The workplace fatality rate in agriculture is higher than in any other sector in Ireland [<a href="https://teagasc.ie/news--events/daily/farm-safety-addressing-risks-in-irish-agriculture/#:~:text=The%20fatality%20rate%20in%20agriculture%20is%20higher%20than,2023%2C%20with%2016%20of%20those%20from%20farming%20alone.">source].</a> This means that most people in the agricultural community either know a family affected by serious injury or sudden death, or have experienced it themselves.</p><p>When someone dies suddenly within a farm family, it can feel like the entire world is upended. You’re grieving, your family is grieving, and yet the farm must continue. The emotional weight is compounded by the practical demands of daily life and business.</p><h3>Planning Ahead If Possible</h3><p>Ideally, conversations about the future of the farm should happen before a tragedy occurs. These discussions should include:</p><ul><li>The farm and land owner</li><li>Key people involved in day-to-day operations</li><li>Potential heirs or successors</li><li>Any other relevant stakeholders</li></ul><p>Once the situation is understood, it’s important to involve professionals such as:</p><ul><li>Succession planners</li><li>Agricultural solicitors</li><li>Financial or agri-business consultants</li></ul><p>Even if these conversations didn’t happen before your loved one passed, it’s never too late to be transparent with yourself and your family about what comes next.</p><h3>Immediate Practical Needs</h3><p>While long-term planning is essential, there are immediate concerns that need attention:</p><ul><li>Who will manage the day-to-day running of the farm?</li><li>When should you contact a solicitor?</li><li>What legal or financial steps need to be taken?</li></ul><p>It can be overwhelming to know where to begin—both emotionally and practically. Embrace FARM is here to help guide you through those first steps.</p><h3>Tailored Support for Every Situation</h3><p>The support you need will depend on your unique circumstances. A conversation with Embrace FARM can help clarify what’s best for your family and your farm’s future. We’ll connect you with experts who can assist with both practical and emotional needs.</p><p>Embrace FARM also offers a range of publications and resources on grief, loss, and practical support, available at: <a href="https://embracefarm.com/resources/">embracefarm.com/resources</a></p><p><i>Disclaimer: The information in this article is intended as a general guide only. While every care is taken to ensure accuracy of information contained in this article, Embrace FARM or its contributors do not accept responsibility for errors or omissions howsoever arising.</i></p>

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When Tragedy Strikes the Family Farm: What Happens Next?

<p>Grief comes in many forms, and every loss is deeply personal. Yet sometimes, the world around us does not acknowledge our pain. This is called disenfranchised grief — a natural emotional response to loss that is not openly accepted or recognised by others. For those experiencing it, the silence or dismissal can be just as painful as the loss itself.</p><h3>What is Disenfranchised Grief?</h3><p>The term was first defined by grief expert Dr. Kenneth Doka in 1989: <i>“Disenfranchised grief refers to a loss that’s not openly acknowledged, socially mourned, or publicly supported.”</i></p><p>This type of grief often arises when:</p><ol><li>The loss is not considered “important enough” by others.</li><li>The type of loss is stigmatised.</li><li>Some people are seen as not “entitled” to grieve.</li><li>The circumstances of the death are denied.</li><li>The way someone expresses their grief is judged.</li></ol><p>Think of moments when someone says, <i>“I was only their friend,”</i> or <i>“We were divorced, so I shouldn’t feel this upset.”</i> These are powerful examples of how people can minimise their own grief because they feel it doesn’t “count.”</p><p>But here’s the truth: <strong>all grief is valid.</strong></p><h3>Why it Matters</h3><p>When grief is not recognised, it can leave the mourner feeling isolated, unwelcome, or even ashamed of their pain. This can make the grieving process longer and more complicated.</p><p>For those bereaved by suicide, disenfranchised grief can feel especially heavy. Because suicide carries stigma, some may feel that others see their loved one’s death as “less worthy” of sympathy, or that they themselves are “less entitled” to grieve. Whether real or imagined, these feelings can prevent people from seeking the support they need — leaving them to carry their grief alone.</p><p>As one bereaved person shared:</p><blockquote><p><br /><i>“When I lost my friend to suicide, people said, ‘But you weren’t family.’ It made me feel like my grief didn’t matter. But it mattered deeply — it still does.”</i></p></blockquote><h3>Finding a Way Forward</h3><p>If you recognise yourself in this type of grief, know that you are not alone — and your feelings are valid. Some steps that may help include:</p><ul><li>Communicate your needs: Let family and friends know what kind of support helps you most. Often, people want to help but feel unsure of what to say or do.</li><li>Seek safe spaces: A support group can offer relief, connection, and validation by bringing together others who truly understand.</li><li>Professional support: Speaking with a grief therapist can provide guidance in processing difficult emotions.</li><li>Stay connected: Whatever you choose, try not to isolate yourself. Reaching out is a sign of strength, not weakness.</li></ul><p>Grief does not need permission to exist — and neither do you. Every relationship, every bond, and every loss is worthy of being honoured. If you are experiencing disenfranchised grief, know that your pain is real, your love is real, and you are deserving of support and compassion.</p><p>For free, peer-led support after suicide loss, visit <a href="https://hugg.ie/find-support-after-a-suicide/ ">HUGG.ie</a>. </p>

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When Grief Goes Unrecognised: Understanding Disenfranchised Grief

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Topic: Supporting The Bereaved